American Idol 9.1: Ten Most Memorable Moments
Tonight was the first episode of the ninth season of American Idol. Paula Abdul is gone, and Simon Cowell will be next, so it’s very possible this will be the last season of Idol supremacy. I think the show will continue to be successful (after all, Survivor has been on the air since 1953 and still does well enough to keep going), but I will be surprised if this isn’t the last year that Idol reigns as the number one series on television.
American Idol always begins with the auditions, this time set in Boston with guest judge Victoria Beckham. I’ll let others write a full summary praising the charms of that dreamy Justin Williams (the good-looking cancer survivor who is far too aware of just how pretty he is) or laughing at Janet McNamara, who proves that the American Idol video game is useless. Instead, I’m going to list the ten most memorable things about the first episode.
10. Tyler Grady. Katie Stevens. Leah Laurenti. Not much to say about any of them yet, but I enjoyed their auditions and hope all three of them make it to the semifinals.
9. Ashley Rodriguez. Does she have “it”? Only time will tell. But she was pretty, she sang beautifully, and she was very sweet. What more could you ask for?
8. Pat Ford. He was annoying and his nasally version of “Womanizer” was painful to hear. But by far his worst trait was his need to say “holler” constantly. I realize gay teenagers, like all teenagers, are trying to figure out what defines them, what makes them unique, but why would anyone embrace stereotypes from thirty years ago and catchphrases from ten years ago? It’s not as bad as Christian Soriano’s “fierce”, but it’s up there.
7. Luke Shaffer and Benjamin Bright. The two guys were first shown harmonizing in an impromptu trio in the audition waiting room, nailing Matt Nathanson’s “Come On Get Higher”, but it was their solo performances that got them tickets to Hollywood. I liked both of their voices (although Luke sang a little louder than I would have preferred). I do have to wonder, however, what happened to the third guy.
6. Derek Hilton. The blond peace child wasn’t much to look at beyond the beautiful hair, and his audition ranked with the worst ever. But even if he’d had a beautiful voice, I would have despised him. When someone mentions their love for Chris Brown, then says he admires how Chris Brown touches children, it’s impossible not to think about how Chris touched one teenager in particular. Will there come a day when I don’t get repulsed at the thought of Chris Brown viciously beating Rihanna?
Not a chance.
5. Lisa Olivero. The pretty waitress who loved singing at work stuck out for two reasons. First, there was the bizarre obsession with her ass. American Idol is a family program, but evidently part of that family-friendly experience is objectifying women and ogling at their bodies in a way that would embarrass a fifth-grade boy.
But second (and more interesting), Lisa personified every American Idol wannabe who has ever let their nerves completely destroy any chance they might have moved on. I think it’s very possible she had a good voice and maybe even a great one, but she was so nervous she sabotaged herself. At the end, when she kept singing louder in a desperate attempt to try to get back on track, it was heartbreaking.
Sometimes Idol deliberately lets people through who are hideous singers. But more than once tonight, we saw people who might have had good voices but had no confidence. Being a great singer requires a hell of a lot more than just having a great voice.
4. Jennifer Hirsh. She got maybe thirty seconds of air time, but her cover of “Ding-Dong! The Witch is Dead” was the most incredible audition of the night. I can’t imagine that she came up with the intricate arrangement herself, but holy shit did she nail it!
3. Victoria Beckham. I was thoroughly prepared to hate Posh Spice. In the media, she seems to come across as very cold and unapproachable, but on Idol, she was actually very endearing. It’s easy to forget that the Spice Girls were the result of an open audition, but Victoria reminded the other judges (especially Simon) more than once that the audition process is grueling and takes a lot of courage and determination.
I also thought she had the best line of the night. After Norberto Guerrero, with his androgynous face and fiercely coiffed hair, was told by Simon that he sang like a three-year-old girl and looked like LaToya Jackson, Victoria waited for him to leave the room, then sincerely confessed that she thought he looked more like Janet. Based on tonight’s episode, I genuinely liked Mrs. Beckham, something I never would have predicted two hours earlier.
2. Andrew Fenlon. How many times does American Idol hype what’s coming up next and it almost always seemed more interesting in the build-up than in the reality? 90%? 98%? But Andrew lived up to the hype and more.
He came off as irritated more than angry, and he actually had a decent voice (although his phrasing was way too affected; it didn’t sound natural). But what kind of self-sacrificing idiot goes to an audition and then complains that he waited too long? Bring a book of Sudoku to solve or practice with an iPod in the corner, but save the rants for afterwards. The last thing anyone wants to see in an interview or audition is a candidate that is noticeably pissed.
I don’t blame Kara DioGuardi for not liking him. He reminds me of Scott Savol, the season four contestant who argued with Simon and seemed to constantly seeth with resentment. Why is it so hard for people to realize that anger is not an attractive quality in a singer?
1. Maddy Curtis. The first gold winner of the night – and the season – Maddy struck me as incredibly polite, very sweet, and someone I would definitely root for. Her performance of “Hallelujah” was very nice, even without the “she’s only sixteen” qualifier that the judges love to harp on. But it was her personal history that made me fall in love with her.
I am an extremely compassionate man, but I get angry when contestants use their pain as a selling point. I probably would have been a big fan of Danny Gokey last year if he didn’t seem to constantly remind viewers that his wife had died recently. And Justin Williams’ successful recovery from cancer pretty much guaranteed I wouldn’t like him. It’s not that I don’t feel sorry for people who go through hardships, but for the most part, every fucking person who has ever lived goes through hardships. That does not make you more “worthy” of being a star. And yes, the producers of American Idol are probably to blame, but I still feel like these contestants are pimping their various tragedies to stand out and get an edge over those who prefer to keep their pain more private.
Seriously, Justin, you found battling cancer “interesting”?
That’s why Maddy was my favorite of the contestants tonight. Yes, she had the heart-warming back story, but hers was about acceptance and love. As someone who had a brother who was mentally handicapped, was friends with kids who had Down’s Syndrome while I was in school, and knows many others who have had family members who are challenged, I thought it was wondrous that Maddy came from a family that so completely understood the blessing of a son with Down’s Syndrome that they adopted others.
I want contestants who are genuinely good people, contestants with a voice I want to hear again and again. I think that’s what matters. But if you’re going to bring up your personal history, I want it to be inspiring and touching (as in celebrating the diversity of humanity) instead of self-serving, even if that’s not what is intended.
