Why Christians should welcome marriage equality
In an article for Newsweek titled “The Conservative Case for Gay Marriage”, Ted Olson writes, “Many of my fellow conservatives have an almost knee-jerk hostility toward gay marriage. This does not make sense, because same-sex unions promote the values conservatives prize. Marriage is one of the basic building blocks of our neighborhoods and our nation. At its best, it is a stable bond between two individuals who work to create a loving household and a social and economic partnership. We encourage couples to marry because the commitments they make to one another provide benefits not only to themselves but also to their families and communities.”
Put in words far more eloquent than I could ever have written, Olson highlights a problem I’ve had with anti-gay rhetoric for years now. Christians should be demanding marriage equality, not disparaging it.
One of the basic tenets of Christian morality is the belief that a man and a woman should get married. They further believe that both people should go into the marriage as virgins and should remain faithful (and married) to their partners for the rest of their lives.
Although for some this notion of one eternal love is farfetched, something to ridicule, I honestly believe most people aspire to this. I also believe this is a noble endeavor, strengthening families, communities, and nations as a whole. Marriage should be encouraged not just from a religious but from a social standpoint, recognizing, of course, that the institution isn’t for everyone.
The one biggest problem with this idea, though, is that it assumes everyone is heterosexual. Whether one wants to believe gays and lesbians are the result of biology, environment, or a conscious choice, the unavoidable fact is that everyone is not heterosexual. So how do homosexuals fit into the equation?
Some people believe gays and lesbians should marry opposite-gender partners. Elisabeth Hasselbeck, the conservative co-host of The View, has stated more than once that gays have the same legal right to marry as straights do, encouraging this notion. Many churches and religions have “ex-gay” ministries that help homosexuals downplay their natural feelings for something more socially acceptable: heterosexual marriage.
Even true believers have to realize how much this works against the modern definition of marriage. It encourages human beings to be nothing more than animals used for breeding purposes and suggests that love and happiness should not factor into the equation. But if that’s all that marriage is, a prison that reduces humans to being nothing more than emotionless parents, bringing up children to forever follow the same cycle, then why would anyone want to get married in the first place?
The fact is, marriage is an institution built upon love and happiness. It’s one of the most unselfish acts imaginable: two people working as a couple to build a future they both can enjoy. Hasselbeck might like to speak in sound bites, but that kind of logic doesn’t withstand any type of scrutiny.
So if forcing gay men and lesbians to marry opposite-gender partners isn’t the answer, what is?
Growing up, first as a Catholic and then as a member of an extremely conservative Pentecostal church, I was originally taught that homosexuality was evil. Later on, as people began to understand more about sexual orientation, the stance softened a little. My pastor told me that as long as I never “acted on” my homosexuality, I was living a Godly life.
I left the church shortly afterward and eventually became an agnostic. The idea that I could never fall in love with someone and show that love in all the ways that anyone else could repulsed me. It didn’t seem logical, it didn’t seem compassionate, and it certainly didn’t seem Godly.
Which brings me back to why conservatives should be fighting for same-sex marriage, not against it.
Most Christians believe any sex outside of marriage is a sin. That’s why they have long condemned gays and lesbians and labeled them as immoral. But if same-sex marriage is legalized, it reinforces the belief that marriage is an institution to be cherished and that people – both gay and straight – should wait until marriage before engaging in sex.
By refusing homosexuals the rights that heterosexuals have, conservative are actually damaging the institution of marriage even more. Homosexual couples exist and are becoming more and more commonplace. The fact that they’re not married reinforces the idea for many children that marriage isn’t a goal but an option, and not a particularly attractive one at that.
We live in an age when more and more heterosexual couples are choosing to live together without getting married, where half of marriages end in divorce, where people get married on a whim and then just as quickly get it annulled. Allowing gays and lesbians to legally marry reinforces the idea that marriage should be a holy institution, not a temporary arrangement to be discarded if one gets bored.
Some Christians will argue that the Bible condemns homosexuality. That’s a ridiculous reason to deny civil rights. The truth is, the Bible spends far more time promoting slavery, constantly encourages ritual animal sacrifices, and has many statutes and demands of God that have long since become irrelevant or even offensive.
As many have said, the Bible is the Living Word, meant to guide us, not enslave us. As society changes and understands more about the differences and diversity that gives it depth and wonder, so too does our notions of morality develop.
If conservatives truly believe that our country is best served by rejecting sexual “freedom” and embracing a family structure that encourages loving, monogamous couples, they should demand that our country legalize marriage equality. Anything less would be a sin.
