Dancing With the Stars 9.01: 09-21-09
For the first time ever, I watched a complete episode of Dancing With the Stars, and I have to say I completely enjoyed it. I was also surprised at how nice I was as a judge – I’ve always thought of myself as overly critical when it comes to judging performances on shows like these, but my scores for four of the performers matched at least one of the judges’ scores, and the other four were higher than the judges (in one case majorly so).
These are my opinions regarding the eight male contestants:
1. Aaron Carter (dancing with Karina Smirnoff)
I never was a fan of Aaron’s music, which was aimed squarely (emphasis on squarely) at tweeners. I also don’t care for the host of Dancing With the Stars saying Aaron had four Top 40 hits, implying he had four mainstream hits. The truth is, “Saturday Night”, “That’s How I Beat Shaq”, and “Aaron’s Party (Come Get It)” all made the Top 40 on Billboard’s Hot Singles Sales chart. “Shake It” peaked at #23 on the Hot Dance Music/Maxi-Singles Sales chart. Only “Aaron’s Party” cracked the Top 40 on the Hot 100 (Billboard’s listing of the current mainstream hits of the week), peaking at #35. By any definition, Aaron is a one-hit wonder whose only major success was nine years ago.
Still, I was very impressed by his cha cha cha routine. I loved the beginning (I would imagine it’s extremely difficult to dance in unison with your partner down a set of steps). I liked that the couple used the dance floor, at one point dancing to the very edge, and sliding under Karina’s legs was a highlight. I just wish everything else hadn’t felt quite so safe and, yes, boring. It also didn’t help that he almost dropped his partner at the end.
I gave Aaron an 8 out of 10. The judges gave him two 7s and an 8.
Near the end, four couples were given 30 seconds each to perform a Viennese waltz, and I thought Aaron and Karina were the best. The judges agreed, awarding him 10 extra points for a total of 32.
2. Chuck Liddell (dancing with Anna Trebrunskaya)
Chuck was the first of the athletes to perform, and I was immediately won over by his personality. Sincere and serious but with a genuinely kind heart, Chuck seems like the kind of guy you could watch a football game with in a sports bar and then shoot the shit with for a couple hours afterwards. I tend to judge people by whether or not I’d want to be friends with them, and I would want to be friends with him.
Even so, his foxtrot was pretty bad. He was so stiff and awkward, and when he remembered to smile, it felt more like a “bless your heart” moment than a “man, he’s enjoying this” thought. I don’t think he’ll last very long unless he learns how to relax and embrace the challenge. And as someone who has danced in local theater productions, I can tell you that is an extremely hard thing to do.
I gave Chuck 6 points. The judges gave him two 5s and a 6, so for the second time in a row, my scores were compatible with the professionals.
When four couples had to dance the salsa, I thought Chuck and Anna came in third place. The judges agreed, giving them six more points for a total of 22.
3. Mark Dacascos (dancing with Lacey Schwimmer)
My best friend loves Iron Chef, so I’m sure she’s rooting for Mark to win it all, but I’m not feeling it. Mark is a good-looking guy with a very hot body, and he has a friendly, out-going personality, but my first impression wasn’t good. Every time the camera turned to him, during the introductory segments and throughout the two-hour show, Mark displayed bursts of enthusiastic energy, but it always felt like he was a robot programmed to shine when the spotlight was turned on him and then conserve battery cells when it wasn’t. I’ve seen people that try too hard to be brilliant, but it went beyond that. Quite frankly, it was annoying.
Speaking of annoying, who the hell thought “Kung Fu Fighting” would be anything but a clichéd and incredibly predictable song for Mark and Lacey to dance to? The routine itself was great, and Mark did a good job, but the gimmick destroyed the dance. As a major fan of American Idol, I can’t tell you how many times a bad song choice has ruined a contestant’s performance. This was by far one of the worst song choices ever.
I gave Mark 8 points because as much as I detested the cliché, I did think he danced well. The judges weren’t as kind. All three of them gave him seven points each.
The Viennese waltz gave Mark a chance to shine. I thought he came in second out of the four couples, and the judges agreed. With eight more points, Mark ended the night with a total of 29.
4. Ashley Hamilton (dancing with Edyta Sliwinska)
Although it’s possible a genuine star will one day appear on this show, it seems doubtful. First of all, it’s such a time commitment, and second of all, after achieving a certain level of fame, who would want to jeopardize that by looking like a fool on what many would dismiss as a cheesy reality show? Still, was there no one available that was even remotely better known than Shannon Doherty’s ex-husband two decades ago? I don’t know the man and learning about his debilitating motorcycle crash made me feel sympathetic for him. But still, if he is the definition of a star, then so am I.
As for his talent, Ashley was easily the worst dancer of the eight that performed tonight. I loved Chuck Liddell’s personality, but even then I had to admit he was a horrible dancer. Imagine my surprise when someone managed to be even more stiff, more wooden, more excruciatingly awkward. Although I seriously question his inclusion as a star of any caliber, Ashley comes across as a likable person in his taped vignettes. But holy shit, whatever made him think he could dance?
Again, because I can’t help but be the softer side of Sears, I gave Ashley 5 out of 10. The judges’ averaged the same (4, 5 & 6).
His salsa was just as painful (imagine a corpse trying to dance after rigor mortis has set in), and the judges also thought he was the worst of the four. With four points given mainly for just showing up, Ashley’s total was a dismal 19.
5. Donny Osmond (dancing with Kym Johnson)
I grew up watching Donny and Marie’s variety show, and for the most part I’m a fan. I don’t care for his stand against marriage equality (the idea that he wouldn’t allow his own niece to get married if she found the right woman is noxious to say the least), but I can look past his self-centered views. Yes, he’s a little too shiny happy, but that’s actually one of the things I admire about him. I think this world needs more optimism.
Donny actually got my highest score of the night. His foxtrot was awesome. At times I felt like Kym overshadowed him (the judges claimed he was too theatrical, but I think his modesty and respect for women – and specifically his partner – found him taking a backseat to Kym far too often). But all in all, I thought it was a great performance.
I thought Donny gave a 9-out-of-10 routine. The judges didn’t agree, awarding him two 7s and a 6. This was the first time I strongly disagreed with the judges, but it wouldn’t be the last.
Donny’s salsa was equally impressive. The judges thought it was the best, while I rated it second behind Louie’s gymnastics. With ten extra points, Donny came in second behind Aaron Carter with 30 points.
6. Louie Vito (dancing with Chelsie Hightower)
Could Louie be more adorable? I guess I really am old – I watched Louie’s taped comments and instead of thinking how hot he might be, I thought how proud I would be to be his father. He is my favorite of the male contestants, and I’ll freely admit that it’s because he seems respectful, hard-working, and a genuinely nice guy. Of all the contestants, he surprised me the most. I don’t know what clichés might exist around snowboarders, but his warmth and humanity made any and all of them shatter.
Yes, his foxtrot was a little awkward, but all in all he did a really good job.
I gave him 7 out of 10 and one of the judges agreed with me (the other two gave him 6s). I’m rooting for Louie, and though I doubt he can make it to the finals, that’s not gonna stop me from hoping he does.
Louie came in second place in the salsa faceoff, but his opening flip won me over. Still, although I gave him the edge over Donny, I can’t disagree with the judges’ final analysis. With 8 more points, Louie and Chelsie ended the night with a score of 28, just behind Mark and Lacey.
7. Michael Irvin (dancing with Anna Demidova)
Here I will admit that I was somewhat blinded by Michael’s likable personality, but I still think the judges were wrong. I don’t follow football, so I didn’t know anything about him going in to the show, but based on what I saw tonight, Michael is definitely someone I’d be proud to call a friend.
Which might explain why I gave him the benefit of the doubt during his cha cha cha. He wasn’t as painfully stiff as Chuck Liddell or Ashley Hamilton, but he wasn’t exactly the most graceful dancer either. To be blunt, most of the time he looked slightly out of place.
But I gave him 8 points anyway, and I don’t care who disagrees. Dancing isn’t just techniques, it’s heart and soul, and damned if Michael Irvin doesn’t have plenty of both. The judges gave him the worst score of the night (one 5 and two 4s), but that’s only because they’re stupid. And dumb. And they have poopoo breath.
Strangely, I thought Michael was the worst in the Viennese waltz challenge, but the judges placed him third. Maybe they’re not all poopoo breathed people. Michael ended the night with 19 points, tying with Ashley for last place.
8. Tom DeLay (dancing with Cheryl Burke)
DeLay’s a Republican, so obviously I hate him. Except I don’t. That’s the difference between liberals and conservatives. We tend to be more forgiving. And have much larger penises, but that’s beside the point.
Tom reminded me of the feisty grandfather who dances with the hot bridesmaid at the wedding reception – he might be a little old and a little rusty, but his heart shines through like a beacon. How could you not find yourself rooting for him? He wasn’t the best dancer, but it wasn’t for a lack of trying.
I gave him 7 points, but the judges were harsher, awarding him one 6 and two 5s. Perhaps they couldn’t get past the extremely fugly brown suit Tom wore.
In the Viennese waltz challenge, Tom placed dead last in the judges’ eyes (I thought he was better than Michael), so he only got four additional points, for a total of 20.
With everything said and done, it looks like Aaron Carter and Donny Osmond are definite contenders, but I’m rooting for Louie Vito.
Tomorrow I’ll rate the women contestants.
