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Posted by Tommy Marx February 24th, 2010

Fortunately, the two-hour show highlighting the male contestants wasn’t anywhere near as horrendous as the women’s fiasco, although Jermaine, Tyler, and Alex tried their best to make the episode a living nightmare. Please keep in mind that this is the first time most (if not all) of these people have ever performed in front of a large audience. Just as in past seasons, the first week of actual competition is usually painful.

1. Todrick Hall: “Since You’ve Been Gone”

It was the aural equivalent of making a delicious apple pie, then dropping two tons of vanilla ice cream on top of it. Todrick has a nice voice, but there were too many trills, too many wonky bits, too much reinvention. The song was too muddled, too manic, too unfocused. A piece of pie with a scoop of ice cream can be the perfect desert, but if you throw everything on top to the point where you can’t tell if it was originally apple pie or a raw hamburger, then you have a problem. The only reason I didn’t judge him more harshly was because he does have a good voice and, even if his experiment went horribly, horribly wrong, at least he did try to “make the song his own”.

Score: 5 out of 10.

2. Aaron Kelly: “Here Comes Goodbye”

Aaron picked a mediocre song and noticeably battled a severe case of nerves when he first began singing it, but by the end he delivered a solid performance. I liked him because he worked through the fear and ended up doing a very nice job.

Score: 7 out of 10.

3. Jermaine Sellers: “Get Here”

Although nothing will compare to Lacey Brown’s massacre of “Landslide” (or, as she sang it, “Landside”), damned if this didn’t come close. “Get Here” is a solid pop song that has more than enough hooks for anyone to sink their teeth in, but Jermaine decided to make up the melody as he went along. From the first breathy, off-key note, it was a study in horror. It’s difficult to say that this was a bad song choice because the song he sang wasn’t remotely recognizable. He might as well have been singing the theme song to “Sesame Street”. I’m sincerely hoping he gets voted off Thursday.

Score: 3 out of 10.

4. Tim Urban: “Apologize”

An extremely bland version of an extremely bland song. Tim should avoid songs that require using his weak falsetto, learn how to hold the microphone away from his mouth, and should cut his hair a little so we can actually see a little of his face. If he makes it to next week, he needs to pick a song that suits his voice and isn’t so ridiculously generic that it didn’t even become a hit until Timbaland remixed it.

Score: 5 out of 10.

5. Joe Munoz: “You And I Both”

At the end of the show, when clips of the twelve performances were shown, I was a little surprised to realize that this was my favorite of the night. Joe took one of my favorite songs of all time and, while adding a little Spanish touch to it in places, was actually a little too toned down and, yes, boring. There was no wow factor, no excitement, yet I thoroughly enjoyed it. It’s strange for me to acknowledge that I wouldn’t be surprised if Joe goes home Thursday night even though I liked his song the most, but there you go.

Score: 8 out of 10.

6. Tyler Grady: “American Woman”

I think he has a nice enough voice, but he has horrible stage presence. If you’re going to sing a flamboyant rock song, it should sound better than an average karaoke version, and you should own the stage, not meander around it with no direction or purpose. Of all the contestants, I feel like Tyler is most out of his element. He’s not a rock star, he’s an accountant that likes listening to The Doors.

Score: 3 out of 10.

7. Lee Dewyze: “Chasing Cars”

Confession: I think Lee is very good-looking and has an extremely attractive personality. I also like his taste in music. But with that said, I did not care for his performance at all. He was occasionally out of tune, and while he tried to bring drama to a song that has none, he sacrificed the melody in the process. He has a good voice, and I hope he stays for a while, but this wasn’t good.

Score: 5 out of 10.

8. John Park: “God Bless The Child”

This was the kind of performance you’d see at a Junior High School talent show, and John completely missed the emotional pain behind the song – the Oscar Meyer wiener song would have been just as touching in his hands – but I think he’s got a great voice that, given the right song, would be incredible. So I can’t be as harsh as others might be. Call me a hopeless optimistic.

Score: 6 out of 10.

9. Michael Lynche: “This Love”

Let me say right now that I would be happy to NEVER AGAIN hear about Michael’s baby drama. It irritates me that he chose to stay in Hollywood instead of being by his wife’s side when she gave birth, and it irritates me even more that Idol keeps portraying this as somehow inspirational. I also think Michael chose the wrong song: it’s too fast, too frantic, to do justice to his voice. But what a voice! I was genuinely surprised to hear him. He sounded at times like Al Jarreau, and while the song did him no favors, it didn’t hurt him that much either.

Score: A reluctant 7 out of 10.

10. Alex Lambert: “Wonderful World”

With his often nasal whine, his trouble with hitting his notes head on instead of creeping up on them like a scared child, and his Carol Brady hairdo, Alex defined what a bad performance can be.

Score: 3 out of 10.

11. Casey James: “Heaven”

There’s a little too much vibrato in his voice, and he chose both a boring song and a boring arrangement. But I genuinely liked him and he did well singing.

Score: 7 out of 10.

12. Andrew Garcia: “Sugar, We’re Going Down”

Easily the most disappointing act of the night. I was looking forward to hearing him sing after his phenomenal reinvention of Paula Abdul’s “Straight Up”, but he took a novelty song and made a muzak version of it that was literally painful to listen to. I think he has enough good will to survive this round, but he needs to get his shit together and fast or he won’t make it to the Top Twelve (and here I was thinking he had a good chance of winning the entire competition).

Score: 3 out of 10.

Predictions for going home: Jermaine Sellers and Alex Lambert.

Posted by Tommy Marx February 24th, 2010

Two clips I love:

and:

Posted by Tommy Marx February 23rd, 2010

It’s no surprise that the producers of American Idol are rooting for a woman to win the ninth season. The last couple of years haven’t been kind to male winners. David Cook and David Archuleta combined haven’t sold as many records as Fantasia Barrino, who never achieved mainstream success, and Kris Allen has yet to sell even a fourth of the CDs of season five’s sixth place finalist, Kellie Pickler. As for Adam Lambert, the most publicized Idol contestant in history, the ridiculously over-hyped singer has yet to sell as many albums as Taylor Hicks, the American Idol winner most often dismissed as a complete failure.

But judging by tonight’s two-hour show, a woman won’t be winning American Idol this year. Although it’s standard for Idol to say that each season is the strongest ever, with an amazing array of talent, the hyperbole fell flat as soon as Paige began singing the first song, and Katie’s show-closing snoozer made it clear that any of the women will be lucky to survive the first six weeks of the official competition.

Still, I can hope that next week will be better.

1. Paige Miles: “All Right Now”

It’s hard to imagine a worse choice for a singer that has such an obviously gorgeous voice. She picks a song that actively works against her strengths as a vocalist, performs it pretty much exactly as it was first recorded (so no one can accuse her of adding anything to the song or of “making it her own”), and chooses not to change the gender of the lusted-after “baby”, which makes me wonder why she didn’t sing Melissa Etheridge’s amazing “You Can Sleep While I Drive” if she wanted to give a shout out to lesbian love. The saddest thing about her performance wasn’t her admission afterwards that she needed to pee for the last five hours; no, the fact that she wasn’t one of the worst three performers made this a spectacularly bad way to begin the competition phase of American Idol.

Score: 4 out of 10.

2.Ashley Rodriguez: “Happy”

She needs to stop breathing directly into the microphone. Actually, it would be great if she’d stop holding the microphone a half inch from her mouth, period. You don’t have to give the damn thing oral sex; it’s perfectly fine to move it away enough that we can hear your voice instead of your respiratory system. She has a nice voice, but her performance was lackluster at best. She was okay on the verse, but the chorus completely overwhelmed her.

Score: 6 out of 10.

3. Janell Wheeler: “What About Love”

Wow. Janell is embodying the theme of the night: pick a song that will completely overwhelm you. Although hers was the second worst performance of the night, I hope she makes it past this week, because I honestly think she could be great with the right song. But doing an extremely weak version of a Heart song is not the way to impress. I think calling it torture would be exaggerating things a little. But just a little.

Score: 3 out of 10.

4. Lilly Scott: “Fixing A Hole”

What a bizarre choice. Lilly has such badly bleached hair I kept wondering if it was a wig. She has an interesting voice, but she chooses an obscure Beatles song that is slightly less boring than listening to a dial tone for three hours. And if I could vote against someone making it through to the next round, she’d be my first choice. She wasn’t the worst, but damn that one and a half minutes lasted seventeen years at least in terms of monotony.

Score: 4 out of 10.

5. Katelyn Epperly: “Oh Darling”

I was so prepared to hate her, especially after enduring four horrible performances. And when I heard she was going to perform a ‘60s song I’d never heard of, I was ready to turn off the television set. So yes, I was extremely surprised how much I loved her performance. Will she make it to the finals? Who knows? But I’m glad that she reminded me, after four excruciatingly bad songs, why I like American Idol. Katelyn, I’m rooting for you!

Score: 8 out of 10.

6. Haeley Vaughn: “I Want To Hold Your Hand”

Was it just a couple years ago that singing a Beatles song was a big ass deal? Now we get three in a row. I think Haeley has a good voice. I think Haeley has a good personality. And I think if I wasn’t the nice guy I am, I would have to hunt her down and destroy her. Is it possible for anyone to be so perky and chipper without inspiring extreme hatred? On one level I thought she did good, but I would be lying if I didn’t hope she gets sent home Thursday night. She needs to seriously tone it down – and majorly – if she wants to be more than just a fifth-rate Shanice clone.

Score: 7 out of 10.

7. Lacey Brown: “Landslide”

I’m not sure it’s possible to make a worse song choice. Lacey might have a good voice (I’m assuming she does, since she made it to the Top 24), but wow, this was one of the worst performances I’ve ever seen on Idol. She needs to go home. Now.

Score: 1 out 10.

8. Michelle Delamor: “Falling”

I despise contestants who pick “safe” songs, but this was the exception that proves the rule. She did nothing to differentiate her version from the original, and her voice is in no way better than Alicia Keys, yet it worked for me. This was the only performance of the night that I would consider purchasing. I’m intrigued and will be eager to find out next week if this was a fluke or the beginning of something astonishing.

Score: 9 out of 10.

9. Didi Benami: “The Way I Am”

The crybaby sings, and I like her voice, but it sounds far too much like the original singer to judge what she’s capable of. Because I enjoyed the performance so much, I’m going to be lenient in my score, but I reserve judgment until I hear her sing something that isn’t a well-done copy of an existing track.

Score: 7 out of 10.

10. Siobhan Magnus: “Wicked Game”

She began badly, but once she got into the song, she did a beautiful job of singing it. Unfortunately, she gave the song no depth, no energy. It was a “quiet storm” version that ultimately bored the hell out of me. I kept waiting for that moment when she’d release her pent-up power and stun the shit out of me, but it never came. In a night when the women were decidedly unspectacular, Siobhan nailed what it means to give an average performance, and that’s never a good thing.

Score: 6 out of 10.

11. Crystal Bowersox: “Hand In My Pocket”

What an extremely disappointing performance. Crystal has a great voice, and she picked a great song. But she added nothing to the song, and her decision to do a harmonica solo was bizarre – does she realize this is a singing competition? In the end, I couldn’t be too harsh. She picked a song that fit her, and she sang it well. But Kara of all people nailed it when she compared it to a coffeehouse performance. A good one, certainly, but Crystal, you are so much more than this.

Score: 7 out of 10.

12. Katie Stevens: “Feeling Good”

Can we ask Congress to create a law that forbids American Idol contestants from singing this damn song? I have never heard a cover version that’s even passable, yet every year at least one semi-finalist tackles it. Katie was drowned out by the orchestra at times, had no clue that it helps when performing a song if you show at least as much emotion as a Terminator cyborg, and added absolutely nothing to the original version. She has a good voice, but she needs to figure out – and quickly – what songs accentuate that voice. Because after this performance, the main reason she’ll be moving on is more because she got to sing last then because she was okay.

Score: 5 out of 10.

 

Predictions for going home Thursday: Lacey Brown and Janell Wheeler.