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Posted by Tommy Marx January 14th, 2010

I’ve always been a fan of soul music. From Blue Magic’s lonely “Side Show” to Brian McKnight’s uplifting “Back at One”, I’ve loved listening to Deborah Cox insist nobody’s supposed to be here, Siedah Garrett worry about the everchanging times, and The Temptations wish for rain.

And whether it’s Barry White telling you to practice what you preach or Babyface going on and on about your whip appeal, soul music has defined what sex sounds and feels like for me. It’s impossible not to hear Shirley Murdock belt out “As We Lay” or Gregory Abbot croon “Shake You Down” without getting a little hot under the collar.

For me, Teddy Pendergrass was the epitome of soul music. As the lead singer of Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes, he broke my heart singing “If You Don’t Know Me By Now” and “The Love I Lost (Part 1)”. As a solo singer, his “Love T.K.O.” was equally memorable.

But it was hits like “Close the Door” and “Turn Off the Lights” that really defined his career. The lyrics were as seductive as his voice, promising a night you would never forget. If sex had a melody, Teddy Pendergrass was the one singing it. I’ll let other people debate whether Barry White or Marvin Gaye or someone else was the sexiest soul singer, but for me, it will always be Teddy. Even after surviving the car crash that left him in a wheelchair, that voice and that power was still undeniable and still sexy as shit.

It seems like the list of people that have died recently just keeps growing and growing, and it pains me that Teddy Pendergrass is the latest to leave us. This is my favorite song by him. “Come Go With Me” never charted on the Hot 100 and peaked at #14 on the R&B chart. But God, I loved this song. To me, it’s everything that’s great about soul music, sex, and Teddy Pendergrass.

Sir, you will be missed.

Posted by Tommy Marx January 14th, 2010

The second night of American Idol was entertaining even though there wasn’t a single person I actually loved with the possible exception of Vanessa Wolfe. Mallorie Haley did fine singing the country version of “Piece of My Heart”, and while a little too loud, Keia Johnson also did a good job with “My Heart Will Go On”, but neither of them overly impressed me. As for the trio of women who moved on right at the beginning, Miriam Lemnouni belted out “The Climb” as if it was a fire she had to put out, Noel Reese screamed out a Whitney Houston cover, and Tisha Holland managed to be completely forgettable while she was actually singing.

Still, even without someone that knocked my socks off, I found ten things I wanted to mention about last night’s episode.

10. General Larry Platt. Yes, I enjoyed the “pants on the ground” song, and I won’t be surprised if he “surprises” us with a return visit for the grand season finale. But I really don’t care for this crap. Mr. Platt wasn’t anywhere near as annoying as Margaret Fowler, the chicken lady from three seasons ago, but why have someone “audition” who couldn’t remotely be considered a contestant?

9. Dewone Robinson. Singing an original song, he proved once and for all that you can’t spell lady without a “t”.

8. Jermaine Sellers and Bryan Walker. The church boy and the singing cop. Jermaine actually has a decent voice, but there’s no reason to try and cram 742 runs into the last note. If God was one of us, he would tell you not to beat the song into bloody submission. As for Bryan, I wasn’t a fan of the wispy blond Mohawk, and I couldn’t stand his tendency to make every single word a tribute to melisma. Songs should be sung, not tortured and murdered.

7. Christy Agronow. She’s young, she’s perky, she’s got a great personality. And she believes in singing Pat Benatar songs the way they were always meant to be sung: staccato. Love. Is. A. Battlefield. Damn. It.

6. Vanessa Wolfe. I was prepared to hate her, but after watching her jump bridges and talk about her tiny town, she said she hoped the judges didn’t look down on her, and I fell in love. She’s like the real version of the act Kellie Pickler tried to play unconvincingly – the innocent country girl who’s never flown on an aero plane. I’m afraid she’s going to end up being cannon fodder, but I’m hoping she surprises me and makes it to the top 24.

5. Holly Harden. I don’t care how well you can sing (and to be honest, I wasn’t that impressed). You went to an audition for the biggest television show in America, and you dressed as a guitar. Go away.

4. Carmen Turner and Lauren Sanders. They’ve been best friends forever, but they really need to find a third friend, one that isn’t afraid to tell them they have absolutely no idea how to apply makeup. Whatever Lauren did with her eyes, it worked against her horribly, and the hooker dress didn’t do her any favors, either. And while Carmen wasn’t that bad, I couldn’t help thinking she only went on to Hollywood because she was, for all intents, competing against Lauren. As Simon said, I don’t think it will be long before Carmen returns to Atlanta and her best friend’s side.

3. Lamar Royal. I knew he had an anger problem from the preceding promos, and when he said he would respect the judges and welcome constructive criticism, I knew it was going to be bad. But wow, that was just ridiculous. After he aggressively screamed a Seal song at the judges in a way that felt more like a knife attack than a serenade, he really unleashed his temper. But then again, he was probably already furious about his ridiculously groomed facial hair, with the striped eyebrows and the sideburns that just kind of ended at his shaved dome.

2. Antonio Wheeler. I find it impossible to respect anyone that actually shaves the American Idol logo on his head, refers to himself as Skii Bo Ski and has the nickname stitched to his jacket (spelled wrong, to boot), and talks in an oblivious, drug-addled manner that could only be described as annoying as hell. He didn’t have a bad voice, but if I had been a judge, there’s no way he would have moved on to Hollywood.

1. Jessie Hamilton. At times I felt guilty, but I didn’t care. I’ve never laughed so hard at an audition before. From the hilarious cheap dramatizations (“I was limp as a rag doll!”) to Mary J. Blige’s attack of the giggles, I couldn’t stop laughing. When Jessie talked about his three near-death experiences and then earnestly said God was watching out for him, I thought, no, He’s just got bad aim. Then I felt ashamed of myself for thinking that. But I laughed anyway.

Posted by Tommy Marx January 13th, 2010

Because other languages are just too hard…

Posted by Tommy Marx January 13th, 2010

With thousands of people dead from an earthquake, Haiti is trying to make sense of the incredible tragedy.

Enter Pat Robertson, who says, “Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it, they were under the heel of the French, uh, you know, Napoleon the third and whatever, and they got together and swore a pact to the devil, they said, we will serve you, if you get us free from the Prince, true story. And so the devil said, ‘OK, it’s a deal.’”

Robertson needs to make up his mind. Normally, all natural disasters are the result of God getting angry at all the fornicating homosexuals. But since Haiti is not exactly the world center of gay pride, this one particular natural disaster was Satan’s work. Which begs the question, if God and Lucifer are equally powerful and love to kill puppy dogs and babies, shouldn’t we be worshipping someone else? You know, a deity that doesn’t have hissy fits that cause massive destruction?

Or is it possible – although almost unconceivable – that natural disasters happen because it’s, well, natural? Maybe people die in earthquakes because they were the victims of an earthquake, no more, no less.

I’ll let others debate the existence of God and Satan, but as a society, isn’t it time we told sick fucks like Robertson to shut up and stop bathing in the blood of innocent victims to push your narrow-minded, money-making agenda? If there really was a God, he would have smote Robertson out of existence decades ago out of compassion for his creation.

Posted by Tommy Marx January 13th, 2010

Tonight was the first episode of the ninth season of American Idol. Paula Abdul is gone, and Simon Cowell will be next, so it’s very possible this will be the last season of Idol supremacy. I think the show will continue to be successful (after all, Survivor has been on the air since 1953 and still does well enough to keep going), but I will be surprised if this isn’t the last year that Idol reigns as the number one series on television.

American Idol always begins with the auditions, this time set in Boston with guest judge Victoria Beckham. I’ll let others write a full summary praising the charms of that dreamy Justin Williams (the good-looking cancer survivor who is far too aware of just how pretty he is) or laughing at Janet McNamara, who proves that the American Idol video game is useless. Instead, I’m going to list the ten most memorable things about the first episode.

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Posted by Tommy Marx January 13th, 2010

The second three Star Wars movies (The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones, and Revenge of the Sith) have made more money than any other film trilogy in US history, with $1.122 billion in total grosses. At $1.113 billion in total grosses, the Spider-man movies fall just 9 million from that record. In fact, Spider-man and its sequels are the only films from Sony Pictures to make it on the list of the top fifty biggest domestic box office grosses (coming in at #9, #13, and #18) You have to go all the way to #54 to find the next most successful Sony film, Men in Black, which was released more than twelve years ago.

So a fourth Spider-man film with the director and stars that made the first three so successful should be a no-brainer, right? Well, whoever’s running Sony Pictures officially has no brain.

Although there’s debate over which of the Spider-man movies is best, the first or the second (I liked the second better myself), most people agree the third one had some major problems. So it’s no surprise that Sam Raimi has been demanding a great script before production begins on the fourth movie. But now that his quest for perfection has cost the movie the chance to open in May 2011, Sony has decided to drop the whole thing and reboot the franchise with a new cast and director.

“Spider-Man will always be an important franchise for Sony Pictures and a fresh start like this is a responsibility that we all take very seriously,” said Michael Lynton, Chairman and CEO of Sony Pictures.  “We have always believed that story comes first and story guides the direction of these films and as we move onto the next chapter, we will stay true to that principle and will do so with the highest respect for the source material and the fans and moviegoers who deserve nothing but the best when it comes to bringing these stories and characters to life on the big screen.”

So let me get this straight. Sam Raini was not comfortable with the script for Spider-man 4, so Sony Pictures dropped him, then announces “that story comes first”? Bullshit, thy name is Lynton.

The last time an active movie franchise dropped its original director and star, the world ended up with a Batman and Robin that had hard plastic nipples built into their costumes. I think Sony Pictures’ decision to reboot a thriving franchise makes that decision look genius.

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Posted by Tommy Marx January 12th, 2010

According to a new book about the 2008 election, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid once said that Barack Obama could be successful as a black Presidential candidate because he was “light-skinned” and didn’t speak with a “Negro dialect”.

Senator Reid was one of the first people to encourage Obama to run for President, and while his remarks might rightfully seem racist to some, they were intended as an honest evaluation of how race might affect voters.

Nevertheless, Senator Reid has apologized several times for the remarks, realizing they could easily be construed as offensive. President Obama, along with numerous prominent African-American officials, including NAACP Chairman Julian Bond and Attorney General Eric Holder, have stood by Reid, recognizing his words were not the result of prejudice or ignorance.

The fact remains that Senator Reid could have stated his observation in a far less offensive way, or better yet, not said anything at all. But his intentions – and enthusiasm for Obama as a candidate – were sincere.

Of course, the Republicans are having a field day with it. In what has to be one of the most ludicrous political denouncements in recent history, Republican Party Chairman Michael Steele has called for Reid to step down. “Racism and racist conversations have no place today in America,” he stated just days after using the phrase “honest Injun” on FOX news, a phrase that is considered highly inflammatory by some. Evidently, Republicans only object to “racist” terms if opponents use them.

To make matters worse, Republicans are comparing Senator Reid to Senator Trent Lott in a bizarre gambit that is certain to blow up in their faces. Senator Reid was encouraged that a black Presidential candidate could actually be a possibility. Senator Lott, on the other hand, praised the call for nationwide segregation, saying that “if the rest of the country had followed our lead, we wouldn’t have had all these problems over the years, either.”

Not exactly a great comparison. And it just recalls all the times Republicans have actively worked against racial civil rights. It’s hard to believe they’re indignant over the use of “Negro” when it’s easy to imagine the kind of words they normally use to describe black people.

It’s not unexpected. History has taught us that politicians from all parties live to disparage each other. But it would be nice if, just once, Republicans would rise from the gutters and act like civilized human beings that actually cared about others.

But then again, I guess that’s like waiting to see elephants fly.

Posted by Tommy Marx January 11th, 2010

In an article for Newsweek titled “The Conservative Case for Gay Marriage”, Ted Olson writes, “Many of my fellow conservatives have an almost knee-jerk hostility toward gay marriage. This does not make sense, because same-sex unions promote the values conservatives prize. Marriage is one of the basic building blocks of our neighborhoods and our nation. At its best, it is a stable bond between two individuals who work to create a loving household and a social and economic partnership. We encourage couples to marry because the commitments they make to one another provide benefits not only to themselves but also to their families and communities.”

Put in words far more eloquent than I could ever have written, Olson highlights a problem I’ve had with anti-gay rhetoric for years now. Christians should be demanding marriage equality, not disparaging it.

One of the basic tenets of Christian morality is the belief that a man and a woman should get married. They further believe that both people should go into the marriage as virgins and should remain faithful (and married) to their partners for the rest of their lives.

Although for some this notion of one eternal love is farfetched, something to ridicule, I honestly believe most people aspire to this. I also believe this is a noble endeavor, strengthening families, communities, and nations as a whole. Marriage should be encouraged not just from a religious but from a social standpoint, recognizing, of course, that the institution isn’t for everyone.

The one biggest problem with this idea, though, is that it assumes everyone is heterosexual. Whether one wants to believe gays and lesbians are the result of biology, environment, or a conscious choice, the unavoidable fact is that everyone is not heterosexual. So how do homosexuals fit into the equation?

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Posted by Tommy Marx January 11th, 2010

I really don’t understand how people run big corporations.

Domino’s is the world’s largest pizza delivery chain. But when their pizza came in last on a survey measuring customer taste preferences, they decided to change everything. They drizzled butter, garlic, parsley and parmesan cheese on the trust. They made the sauce spicier and added red pepper to the mix. They even tweaked the cheese, adding a touch of provolone to the mozzarella.

One of my friends came over to watch Supernatural yesterday. She’s never seen an episode, so we’re making our way through the first season. For supper, I suggested we get a pizza. I’d seen the ads promoting the changes Domino’s has made to their pizza, and I was curious and somewhat excited to taste it.

Susan and I both love the Brooklyn style pizza from Domino’s. We usually get it with just cheese (mozzarella plus provolone), and it’s almost always perfect. With the online coupon, it’s only $11.50 plus tax and tip, which isn’t bad.

After we’d eaten the pizza, we both agreed that we probably will never order another pizza from Domino’s again. It wasn’t bad. It just wasn’t good. (more…)

Posted by Tommy Marx January 5th, 2010

Six hundred million years ago, when I was a waiter at the Pizza Hut in South Hill, Virginia – which still ranks as one of my favorite jobs of all time – I got annoyed by a song that kept playing on the jukebox. It was the mid-Eighties, and seven years after “Sultans of Swing”, the Dire Straits had finally had another major hit with “Money for Nothing” (which featured Sting famously singing “I want my MTV” to the tune of The Police’s “Don’t Stand So Close to Me”).

Everytime someone would put a quarter in the jukebox, I would get to hear Mark Knopfler sing, “The little faggot with the earring and the makeup. Yeah, buddy, that’s his own hair. That little faggot got his own jet airplane. That little faggot, he’s a millionaire.” The video that aired on MTV edited that verse out, but the vinyl single that played on a jukebox in a small southern town in Virginia was less polite.

I remember hearing Mark Knopfler say he heard someone actually say those exact lines (evidently someone who believed in talking in rhymes), and he thought dropping “faggot” would make it less authentic or something. But let me tell you something. When you’re a gay teenager working in a fast food chain in the middle of Bible-belt Virginia and you keep hearing someone singing about those damn faggots with their earings and their makeup, it’s not a pleasant experience.

So I went to my manager and asked her if she could get the jukebox guy to remove the record on his next visit. I told her it really bothered me hearing the word “faggot” so often. (more…)