Bookmarx

Posted by Tommy Marx September 3rd, 2010

God is supreme, the Alpha and the Omega; there is no one greater.

A postage stamp is a postage stamp.

God spoke and the waters brought forth abundantly all birds that fly above the earth.  Birds are 67% water.  God also formed man out of the dust of the ground. Human beings are 70% water and there is no discernible amount of dust in their biological makeup.

A postage stamp cannot verbally distinguish water from soil.

God told the birds, whales, cattle, and everything else He created to be fruitful and multiply, emphasizing the whole reproduction concept. Then He created Adam and was cool with him being the only human. Later, while relaxing with a warm cup of chamomile tea, He realized He didn’t want Adam to be alone. So He formed every beast of the field and every fowl of the air out of the ground. (In His concern over finding Adam a “help meet”, God completely forgot that He’d already created birds out of water, but that’s a very common error amongst deities that like to create entire universes.) God then had all the animals meet Adam to help find company for the man.

A postage stamp, like most inanimate objects, is not specifically offended by bestiality but doesn’t particularly embrace the concept either.

God eventually decided to let Adam be fruitful and multiply with something other than cattle. He induced a coma, then removed one of Adam’s ribs. For those who might wonder why Eve was boned before getting the chance to enjoy the bone, the “dust of the ground” trick evidently only works once. Upon waking up, Adam immediately said, “A man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Besides the randomness and awkward phrasing, Adam’s proclamation was bizarre, since he didn’t, in fact, have a father or a mother, he and Eve did not meld into one organic being, and when asked by God later why he ate of the forbidden fruit, promptly forgot his desire to cleave and instead blamed the woman. This is an example of something that is usually classified under the category of “what the fuck?”.

A postage stamp also doesn’t have a father or mother, and rarely, if ever, cleaves.

God blessed Adam and Eve with free will, then condemned them for actually acting on that blessing.

A postage stamp, for the most part, is thought of as a nice thing to possess, not as a petty, shit-stained douche bag.

God insisted that Adam be fruitful, multiply, and do that whole cleaving thing. But when Adam and Eve failed His contrived test (again, when creating universes, some Ones tend to forget that beings allowed to act on their own accord might not to meet all expectations, which is why most non-severely retarded deities choose to create brainless robots instead of anything capable of rational thought), God declared that from that moment on, all women would be cursed with that “time of the month”, childbirth would be a ridiculously painful experience, and men would rule over women like pompous little dictators. Because that would encourage women to have more babies (see previously referenced “what the fuck?” proclamation).

A postage stamp doesn’t whine or throw hissy fits.

God loves his creation.

There has never been one recorded instance of a postage stamp killing people for the hell of it. Postage stamps have never caused floods or fire and they have never condoned the slaughter of thousands of babies because they wanted to prove a point. A postage stamp is, by pretty much any definition, harmless. While most people would not list that as one of the reasons they like postage stamps, if asked, most of them would more than likely acknowledge that they prefer non-vengeful stamps over the nasty ones.

God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son to die for everyone, even though He only noticed He had a son after the New Testament began, when Jesus rather annoyingly popped into existence with no warning and started talking about meek people and prodigal children. God also loved the world enough to inspire Mel Gibson to create religious torture-porn, but that was more a side-effect of His feces forming into what would eventually be known as the current Pope then anything intentional.

A postage stamp doesn’t have the capability to create imaginary progeny, nor does it have the desire to do so. And most postage stamps, as a rule, are wary of Mr. Gibson, fearing that his list of things he hates and rants about in drunken rages will eventually extend to include postal products. As for their thoughts regarding Popes, stamps unanimously prefer to keep their silence and wait for the fucks to die out.

God’s Son sacrificed himself so that all humanity could be saved.

A postage stamp, if it were possible for it to rationalize beyond its need to be affixed to an envelope, might wonder why people would worship a God that creates a motherless child, then sacrifices that same child to save humanity. If the supreme being in question really was all-powerful and such, why couldn’t It just change the rules dictating the sacrifice and instead insist that only people who apologized in a proper manner befitting a whiny douche bag, people who figured out that Buffy the Vampire Slayer was based on true events, or people who truly understood that the hokey-pokey really is what it’s all about would be saved? If Kung-Fu Grip Jesus  had to be sacrificed to save the world, why wouldn’t people worship the deity that insisted the sacrifice be made, instead of the God that was the deity’s bitch?

Okay, maybe a postage stamp that had the ability to rationalize wouldn’t care about a god that has the emotional maturity of a fourth-grade student and must abide by a set of rules created by someone higher up than he/she. But I do. Sue me.

So what is the difference between God and a postage stamp?

Millions and millions of people have been inspired to follow God’s words and interpret them in ways that, amazingly enough, completely and without fail conform to every single thing each and every one of them already believe, no matter how destructive or judgmental or psychotic those beliefs might be.

On the other hand, a postage stamp is useful.

Posted by Tommy Marx May 3rd, 2010

We live in an age where animation can amaze us, where a Disney cartoon can be nominated for an Academy Award for Best Picture, where Wall-E can make us laugh and cry and most importantly, inspire us to believe, where Avatar can give us an entire universe of wonder to be astonished by. So I guess it isn’t surprising that a two-minute cartoon can sum up exactly what the Pope has given to the world. What a beautiful and inspired blessing to appreciate his Holiness.

Posted by Tommy Marx January 13th, 2010

With thousands of people dead from an earthquake, Haiti is trying to make sense of the incredible tragedy.

Enter Pat Robertson, who says, “Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it, they were under the heel of the French, uh, you know, Napoleon the third and whatever, and they got together and swore a pact to the devil, they said, we will serve you, if you get us free from the Prince, true story. And so the devil said, ‘OK, it’s a deal.’”

Robertson needs to make up his mind. Normally, all natural disasters are the result of God getting angry at all the fornicating homosexuals. But since Haiti is not exactly the world center of gay pride, this one particular natural disaster was Satan’s work. Which begs the question, if God and Lucifer are equally powerful and love to kill puppy dogs and babies, shouldn’t we be worshipping someone else? You know, a deity that doesn’t have hissy fits that cause massive destruction?

Or is it possible – although almost unconceivable – that natural disasters happen because it’s, well, natural? Maybe people die in earthquakes because they were the victims of an earthquake, no more, no less.

I’ll let others debate the existence of God and Satan, but as a society, isn’t it time we told sick fucks like Robertson to shut up and stop bathing in the blood of innocent victims to push your narrow-minded, money-making agenda? If there really was a God, he would have smote Robertson out of existence decades ago out of compassion for his creation.

Posted by Tommy Marx January 11th, 2010

In an article for Newsweek titled “The Conservative Case for Gay Marriage”, Ted Olson writes, “Many of my fellow conservatives have an almost knee-jerk hostility toward gay marriage. This does not make sense, because same-sex unions promote the values conservatives prize. Marriage is one of the basic building blocks of our neighborhoods and our nation. At its best, it is a stable bond between two individuals who work to create a loving household and a social and economic partnership. We encourage couples to marry because the commitments they make to one another provide benefits not only to themselves but also to their families and communities.”

Put in words far more eloquent than I could ever have written, Olson highlights a problem I’ve had with anti-gay rhetoric for years now. Christians should be demanding marriage equality, not disparaging it.

One of the basic tenets of Christian morality is the belief that a man and a woman should get married. They further believe that both people should go into the marriage as virgins and should remain faithful (and married) to their partners for the rest of their lives.

Although for some this notion of one eternal love is farfetched, something to ridicule, I honestly believe most people aspire to this. I also believe this is a noble endeavor, strengthening families, communities, and nations as a whole. Marriage should be encouraged not just from a religious but from a social standpoint, recognizing, of course, that the institution isn’t for everyone.

The one biggest problem with this idea, though, is that it assumes everyone is heterosexual. Whether one wants to believe gays and lesbians are the result of biology, environment, or a conscious choice, the unavoidable fact is that everyone is not heterosexual. So how do homosexuals fit into the equation?

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Posted by Tommy Marx November 16th, 2009

Last week, I talked about Peter Vidala. The guy was fired for telling his manager that her homosexuality was “bad stuff” and later wrote in a statement to the Human Resources Department that he thought she was “deviant”.

Peter Vidala freely admits on a video he taped for YouTube that during his orientation anti-gay discrimination was discussed. He was very aware that it wasn’t tolerated in the workplace. Vidala was hired to be a manager, but one shudders to think how he treated employees or customers of Brookstone that landed on the wrong side of his various prejudices.

Two months after being fired, Vidala suddenly decided to claim that his hatred for gays and lesbians was actually an expression of his religious beliefs, even though he never once said anything about Christianity to the manager or to the Human Resources representative.

He claimed that the manager was goading him with her homosexuality, when in fact, the only thing she said was that she was marrying a woman, not a man. That’s not an opinion, not a belief, not a religious statement; it’s simply a fact, like saying the sky is usually blue or snow is cold.

Now this week, we have a right-wing hate radio host calling the New Hampshire state Democratic Party Chairman a faggot, a reprobate, a disgrace to humanity (on his birthday, no less) and actually saying he hopes this is the last birthday Ray Buckley has.

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Posted by Tommy Marx November 11th, 2009

The American Family Association has become famous in certain circles for being a fiercely conservative Christian organization. Founded to create a world where everyone must be legally bound to follow their definition of values, the AFA has attacked everything from universal health care to marriage equality. While it’s almost impossible to find anything the AFA actually supports, a momentary glance at their main website will immediately provide you with a list of things they oppose.

So it’s not surprising that they’re calling for a boycott of The Gap, Old Navy and Banana Republic. For the next two months, the AFA is asking its followers not to shop at any of the stores mentioned because Gap, Inc. (which owns all three chains) has “refused to use the word Christmas in its television commercials, newspaper ads and in-store promotions.” Instead, the company “recognizes that many traditions are celebrated throughout this season and we feel it is important to display holiday signage that is inclusive to everyone.”

Once again, we have activist Christians demanding that everything (literally!) must revolve around them. They insist this country was founded on Christian beliefs when many of our forefathers, including George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin, were deists who despised the tyranny of the Christian religion. Throughout our country’s history they have supported oppression and hatred, opposing the abolishment of slavery, the rights of women to vote and own property, the desegregation of races. They fought against interracial marriages, demonized gays and lesbians, and have their sights set on ridding the country of Hispanics.

And now (like they’ve done for years) they’re demanding that the only holiday any American can celebrate is Christmas?

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Posted by Tommy Marx November 10th, 2009

An interesting look at the  fallacies of trying to use “faith” as evidence of anything:

Posted by Tommy Marx November 9th, 2009

When a visiting manager mentioned her upcoming marriage, Peter Vidala, recently hired as the second deputy manager at the Brookstone store at Boston’s Logan Airport, was friendly at first. “Where is he taking you for the honeymoon?” the 24-year-old man asked her.

When the woman corrected his pronoun, revealing that her fiancée was another woman, Vidala’s interest turned into disgust. As a Christian, Vidala considers homosexuality as deviant.

According to Vidala, the manager brought up her impending wedding at least three more times during the workday. “I found it offensive that she repeatedly brought it up,” he said later. “I think it’s lunacy to call that type of behavior marriage in any kind of form. I had to express that I’m intolerant of that behavior. It’s a love-the-sinner, hate-the-sin kind of deal.”

So Peter Vidala told the manager that her marriage was “bad stuff”. His employment was terminated a couple days later. And now Peter is playing the “victim” card, claiming he was fired because of his religious beliefs.

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Posted by Tommy Marx August 24th, 2009

Once again, God is showing his anger at anti-gay activists who use His name as an excuse to promote an agenda of hatred and intimidation.

First, he guided Hurricane Bill away from Massachusetts, the first of the United States to legalize same-gender marriage. Then he allowed Hurricane Bill to cause massive waves that attacked Maine, who’s own same-gender marriage laws are being ruthlessly attacked by demonic groups like the Catholics and the National Organization for Marriage (which actually opposes marriage equality).

How many times does God have to show his anger before these ruthless bigots learn to respect ALL of God’s creation, not just the ones who fit in with their warped moral system? How many more people have to die before we pay attention to God’s many warnings and legalize equality and love for all his children?

Posted by Tommy Marx June 10th, 2009

The duck whisperer is at it again.

A viewer of the 700 Club Infomercial series asked, “How should we, as parents of a homosexual son, handle the ongoing challenges facing us such as staying true to our faith and following the commandment to ‘love your neighbor as yourself?’ This is very difficult for us.”

Pat Robertson replied, “First of all, he’s not your neighbor, he’s your son, that’s a different thing. You owe him advice and counseling and guidance. You’re his parent.

“First of all, you didn’t say how old he is. Secondly, I am not at all persuaded that so-called homosexuals are homosexuals because of biological problems. There may be a very few, but there are so many that have been made homosexuals because of a coach or a guidance counselor or some other male figure who has abused them, and they think that there’s something wrong with their sexuality.

“So you need to get deep into why he is what he is, instead of just saying, ‘Well, he’s a homosexual, so how do I handle him, and how do I be Christian?’ Well, I think you ought to tell him, ‘Listen, son. Here’s what the Bible says about this, and it’s called an abomination before God, so I’ve got to tell you the truth, because I love you.’ That’s what I think.”

Robertson doesn’t explain why it’s important to know how old the child is, but he does let America know that there are a plague of coaches and guidance counselors and other ominous “male figures” waiting to abuse your sons and turn them into so-called homosexuals.

I love the part about sitting down with your child, telling him how much you love him, and mentioning that he is an abomination before God. Perhaps that’s why the duck lover wanted to know the age of the son. You have to tell your children early enough, or else you risk a rational response like, “Gee, mom, thanks for letting me know what a mythological creature thinks of my personal life. Do Zeus, Loki, Hathor and the others concur? Or is it just your god, the one who’s never had sex and required his own mother to be a virgin? Do you mind if I ask the unicorns and the griffins their opinions next?”

Thank you, Pat Robertson. The older you get, the more ridiculous you sound.