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Posted Tuesday, March 9th, 2010

filed under American Idol

This has been a confusing year so far on American Idol. In the last week of the semifinals, there’s still no one I’m really rooting for. The only reason Lee DeWyze is my favorite right now is because I think he’s very good-looking. In terms of his voice, he sounds like a mediocre imitation of Chad Kroeger or Chris Daughtry. As for the women, of the remaining eight contestants, three have voices that I find annoying at best. Then tonight, my favorite performance by far was completely obliterated by Simon. I was astonished.

Like I said, it’s confusing. To paraphrase Crystal, I’m still waiting for someone to give me a reason to care this year. With that said, here’s my thoughts on the performances.

1. Katie Stevens: “Breakaway”

On paper, it sounds like a good choice, and to be fair, her performance was far more memorable than the last two. But the vocals were safe and polished, technically good but with no complexity or heart to them. I didn’t feel any emotional connection at all. Katie’s problem is simple but also enormous: she has a beautiful voice that is old beyond its years, but she has no life experience to give that voice depth. No matter how hard she tries, she comes across as the toddler dressing up in her mother’s clothes and makeup.

Score: 7 out of 10.

2. Siobhan Magnus: “House Of The Rising Sun”

I’m not a fan of hers, and I actually groaned when she said what she was singing. Then she sang the opening verse a cappella, and I was blown away. It was haunting and almost brought me to tears. The rest of her performance only built on that opening. This was the first time all season I saw a performance that made me stand up and pay attention.

Although the other judges loved her, Simon could not have been less pleased. I have disagreed with Simon in the past (I tend to agree with him around 95% of the time), but this is the first time I can remember that I vehemently disagreed with him and actually got angry at the man. I wouldn’t say Siobhan reached the level of Fantasia’s amazing first performance of “Summertime”, but it was definitely on a par with David Cook’s first performance of “Hello”.

Score: 10 out of 10.

3. Lacey Brown: “The Story”

I don’t care for Lacey’s voice. I don’t understand why she, Didi, and Lilly even made it to the semifinals – all three have quirky, “unique” voices that irritate me. When it comes to American Idol, I want to hear great singers, not interesting ones. That said, Lacey did a fine job performing an obscure song with a boring arrangement. Whatever.

Score: 6 out of 10.

4. Katelyn Epperly: “I Feel The Earth Move”

Wow, what a difference a week makes! If her slow and plodding cover of Coldplay at the same time managed to highlight an incredible voice, her slow and plodding cover of Carole King hid it completely. And what was with the ‘70s soft rock version that sounded ridiculously dated from the beginning? I was very disappointed. This was a disastrous song choice that sounded bland when it needed to shine.

Score: 5 out of 10.

5. Didi Benami: “Rhiannon”

Although Didi didn’t mutilate Fleetwood Mac like Lacey did a couple weeks ago, I wasn’t impressed. Her precious and precise vocals make me want to change the channel, and the backing vocals all but drowned her out on the chorus (which arguably could be a good thing). She performed fine, but I do not like her voice.

Score: 6 out of 10.

6. Paige Miles: “Smile”

Random thought: her surname is an anagram of the song title.

Second wow of the night. From the beginning, she sounded nervous, shaky, and had absolutely no control over the song. It’s a beautiful song, and contrary to what Ellen said, it’s a sad song that can be sung in a sad fashion. But this was just painfully timid. From the first note to the last, I just kept wondering why she was so afraid of the damn song. Most bizarre song choice of the night.

Score: 4 out of 10.

7. Crystal Bowersox: “Give Me One Reason”

Crystal has an amazing voice, and her stage presence is hypnotic. But I’m very conflicted regarding her. On the one hand, I can’t wait to hear the strength of her gorgeous voice. On the other hand, I wish just once she wouldn’t sing a song that sounds like you’re at a local coffee shop listening to open mike night. I feel like I’m an unwelcome visitor at a womyn rally.

Score: 8 out of 10.

8. Lilly Scott: “I Fall To Pieces”

And the worst is saved for last. If I ever get the urge to listen to Betty Boop sing the blues, I’ll go on YouTube and do a search for this performance. But I don’t think that’s ever going to be a likely desire. Lilly is so damn cheerful while singing about a devastating heartbreak, and she’s one of three women tonight with voices that are far too quirky and original for my taste (what can I say, I like strong vocals that don’t rely on affectations), so the combination was enough to make me run to the bathroom and get a Q-tip and ointment in case my ears started bleeding.

As the Two Men on In Living Color would say, “Hated it!”

Score 3 out of 10.

So who’s going home? I’m guessing Lacey and Paige. But for the third time in three weeks, I’m not going to be surprised (or disappointed) if any of them go home with the exception of Crystal, who is officially this year’s most pimped contestant.

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Posted Friday, March 5th, 2010

filed under Gay Rights

The Washington Post released a comprehensive study on Wednesday that confirmed many of the stereotypes people have of homosexual males. In determining the ratio of gay men to straight men in various occupations, the Post found that computer technicians (14.7%) and waiters (18.7%) are among the top ten careers that attract an above average percentage of gay men. The top three occupations were predictable, as well, with 33.0% of interior decorators, 27.4% of hairdressers, and 24.5% of Republican politicians being identified as gay.

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Posted Thursday, March 4th, 2010

filed under American Idol

Wow, I was surprised that I correctly guessed three of the four people being eliminated tonight, John Park, Jermaine Sellers (thank God!), and Michelle Delamor. I was also surprised that Haeley Vaughn didn’t last. Yes, “The Climb” was almost painful to listen to (and her rendition of it tonight was achingly worse than last night’s), but usually at least one really bad singer makes it to the Top Twelve based solely on the fact that they’re young and cute.

Still, I’m not complaining!

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Posted Wednesday, March 3rd, 2010

filed under American Idol

If last night the guys came back with a vengeance, tonight the women made a two-hour show feel like it went on for days. The only bright spot was that Crystal had recovered enough to be on the show. It would have been heartbreaking for anyone to make it that far and then be disqualified because they weren’t well enough to compete.

1. Crystal Bowersox: “Long As I Can See The Light”

This was a flawless performance in my opinion, far better than the safe and harmonica-laden “Hands In My Pocket” cover she did last week. The only thing that stopped me from calling it perfect was the song itself. To be blunt, I didn’t care much for it. It didn’t have enough melody or something. If Crystal had sung Bob Dylan’s “I Shall Be Released”, I think I would’ve gotten goose bumps. As it was, I was more than happy to admire a song I didn’t connect to emotionally being sung with a passion I found amazing. Easily the best performance of the night.

Score: 9 out of 10.

2. Haeley Vaughn: “The Climb”

There were times at the beginning when I thought Haeley had picked a good song to perform, but as she went on, the song became a muddled mess. She was very inconsistent, loud then soft, hitting one note then missing the next badly. It was horrible. Haeley has no control over her voice at all, and contrary to what the judges think, one year isn’t going to do much to improve that. She needs time to grow up, become a much more disciplined singer, and stop grinning like a hyena throughout every performance. I thought Vote For The Worst got it wrong last week when they picked Haeley as their choice for worst, but tonight Haeley lived up to their support.

Score: 4 out of 10.

3. Lacey Brown: “Kiss Me”

Not a fan of her voice, not a fan of the song, but somehow this ended up being a cute performance that I enjoyed. This was a much better fit for her than “Landslide”.

Score: 7 out of 10.

4. Katie Stevens: “Put Your Records Now”

I hate to point the obvious out to the judges (you know, the ones who picked her to compete in the first place?), but Katie does not have a young voice. Pushing youthful songs on her isn’t going to work. She’s more Norah Jones than Taylor Swift, no matter how much you’d want it otherwise. That said, Katie’s too young to be competing at this point. She’s got a great voice and certainly has more control than Haeley, but she needs to experience life a little more and grow into the type of songs she will nail five years from now.

Score: 6 out of 10.

5. Didi Benami: “Lean On Me”

This is not the song I would pick for her. She has a light voice that makes any song with any meat on it – even a somewhat clichéd song like this – into a well-intentioned mess.

Score: 5 out of 10.

6. Michelle Delamor: “With Arms Wide Open”

Wow, this is really starting to be a long night. Michelle has a nice voice, but she picks a dreary song that’s paced a little too slow and makes it into a boring dirge. And that missed final note didn’t help matters.

Score: 6 out of 10.

7. Lilly Scott: “A Change Is Gonna Come”

I couldn’t disagree with the judges more. This was the musical equivalent of watching a four-year-old girl play dress up in her mom’s clothes and makeup. I wasn’t offended; I think Lilly believes in what she sings and was sincere about honoring the song. But in the future, people with eccentric voices might want to avoid singing civil rights ballads. It just sounded bizarre.

Score: 6 out of 10.

8. Katelyn Epperly: “The Scientist”

Katelyn decided to do the fourteen-hour-long version of this song. If she had performed it any slower, she ran the risk of being legally declared dead. With that said, as plodding as the arrangement was, her incredible voice really shone through. If she had only performed this at the same speed as the original, I think she could have had a defining moment.

Score: 7 out of 10.

9. Paige Miles: “Walk Away”

She has a good voice, but I don’t understand why she keeps picking songs that don’t highlight her voice. I also wasn’t crazy about how often some of her words and phrases sounded exactly like Kelly Clarkson.

Score: 7 out of 10.

10. Siobhan Magnus: “Think”

Finally, the night is coming to an end. Siobhan did a good job on this song, but “Think” will forever be too much of a karaoke song for me to take anyone singing it seriously. The only worse choice might be singing “I Will Survive”.

Score: 7 out of 10.

Predictions: In all honesty, if anyone other than Crystal or Katelyn went home, I don’t think I’d be very surprised. That said, I’m thinking Didi and Michelle should be the most worried.

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Posted Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010

filed under American Idol

What a strange episode tonight. It was definitely much better than last week, but there were a couple of notably bad performances, and for the first time in American Idol history that I can recall, I absolutely despise a contestant, not just as a singer but as a human being. Maybe I’ve seen too many advertisements for Alice in Wonderland, but in some ways this really felt like a psychedelic trip.

1. Michael Lynche: “This Is A Man’s World”

I did not like the song choice. I’m not a major James Brown fan to begin with, and this song had a start/stop melody that was irritating. The lyrics struck me as ridiculously sexist, too (men might rule the world, but thankfully women were created so they wouldn’t feel lonely). However, when I talked to Susan about it, she thought the lyrics meant something completely opposite: that men might think they rule the world with their silly little inventions, but women are what makes life worth living. Either way, I’m not a fan of the song.

Still, I don’t think anyone could deny that Michael did a fantastic job singing it. He is an extremely likeable person, and while I wish he had done a different song from the same era/genre, I liked his voice. This was much, much better than his cover of the Maroon 5 song from last week.

Score: 8 out of 10.

2. John Park: “Gravity”

What a serious misstep. From wearing an undershirt and jeans (because nothing says star potential like telling the world it’s laundry day) to picking a boring song with a monotone melody and singing it as slowly as possible, this was a disaster. The only reason I gave him a decent score was because he obviously has a very good voice. But he needs to stop picking ballads and then leaching the life out of them. I’d love to hear him tackle Anita Baker’s “Caught Up in the Rapture” or another mid-tempo song that lets him flex his voice without sounding like he’s performing at his best friend’s funeral.

Score: 6 out of 10.

3. Casey James: “I Don’t Wanna Be”

I don’t like Casey’s voice. I don’t care for the vibrato in his voice, and this week it was even more pronounced. I thought he also stumbled on the chorus; he was a little too heavy-handed on lines that demand a lighter touch. But as with John, I gave him a higher score than I might normally because he brought a lot of energy into both his performance and the entire episode. After John threatened to put half of America to sleep, Casey woke us back up, and I like that kind of charisma.

Score: 6 out of 10.

4. Alex Lambert: “Everybody Knows”

I confess, when I heard Alex was next, I winced. I thought for sure he’d be going home last week, and his wispy mullet is painful to look at. But I genuinely liked the jazzy tone of his voice tonight. I think he has an affected accent when he sings, pronouncing words strangely, and I don’t know if that’s him or if he’s imitating the singer, since I haven’t heard this song before. But I really like the jazzy tone.

I was also very impressed that he hit the final high note rather softly but held on to it. That’s not easy to do. I would have given him a higher score if he had picked a more interesting song.

Score: 7 out of 10.

5. Todrick Hall: “What’s Love Got To Do With It”

I actually loved this version of the song. I think it was inspired to slow it down and accentuate the hurt embedded in the words.

But Todrick was the wrong person to actually sing this version. The song – and especially a torchy version of it – requires a strong, commanding voice, and Todrick has a lightweight voice that was horribly wrong for this. With the right song, Todrick might surprise everyone. But this was a terrible choice that didn’t work at all.

Score: 5 out of 10.

6. Jermaine Sellers: “What’s Going On”

Up until now, I have never been repulsed by a contestant to the point that I not only disliked them on a personal basis but actively despised them. Up until now.

First, let’s talk about the video intro. The bit with the onesies was cute (although I had to wonder why a 26-year-old was still living with his father and bitching about the heat), but then when he started talking about the previous week, he came across as an asshole. After every other guy’s video, I thought, “What a nice guy.” After Jermaine’s, I thought, “What a dick.”

The judges complained that he wasn’t contemporary, so he picks a song that’s forty years old and wears a bowtie to perform it. Way to listen to criticism and grow, idiot.

Then he massacres one of the best songs ever written, presenting a quiet storm, neutered version of the original while proving that he can perform hundreds of vocal tricks simultaneously without even remotely connecting to the song on an emotional level. I’m sorry, but Jermaine has no fucking clue what that song is really about, and it actually made me angry listening to him vocally flit over the melody and ignore the meaning behind the words.

But then there was that “I know God” shit when he was being criticized. Yes, Jermaine, God could care less about the other contestants. It’s all about you. He wants you to be the next American Idol, so even when you give a performance that makes babies’ ears start bleeding in protest, He will protect you and keep you in the competition. Because that’s what God does.

If he survives to next week (Jermaine, not God), then I will spend the two hours after the show ends voting for the seven other guys over and over and over and over.

Score: 2 out of 10.

7. Andrew Garcia: “You Give Me Something”

My heart almost broke when Andrew started singing. After the miscarriage Jermaine reenacted live, I was hoping for a great performance from the artist who redefined “Straight Up” in Hollywood week. Instead, I got really mediocre karaoke. He didn’t even sound good singing it. If Jermaine hadn’t set the bar so incredibly low, this would have easily been the worst performance of the night. I doubt Andrew will be going home Thursday, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he did, either.

Score: 4 out of 10.

8. Aaron Kelly: “My Girl”

I really like this boy. I don’t know that I would buy a record by him, but I would certainly be proud to call him my son if I was his dad. There’s just something about him that’s so honestly and completely likeable.

His performance was good, but he should have picked a song that hasn’t been sung two million times on American Idol already (isn’t this the official theme song of Hollywood week’s group sing-along?).

Score: 7 out of 10.

9. Tim Urban: “Come On Get High”

There was nothing I particularly disliked about his performance, but there was nothing I particularly liked either. This performance just kind of sat there. If enough people think he’s cute, he’ll survive. Personally, I could care less one way or the other.

Score: 5 out of 10.

10. Lee DeWyze: “Lips Of An Angel”

I don’t care much for this song, but I thought Lee did an excellent job singing it. My only problem is that it sounded like karaoke to me – good karaoke, the kind where you lean over and tell your friend, “Damn, that guy can sing!” – but karaoke nonetheless. His reimagining of Snow Patrol last week sucked, but he does need to add some originality to his covers or they’ll always sound like covers.

Score: 8 out of 10.

Predictions for going home: I only got one out of four right last week, so I’ll probably get this wrong again, but I’m going to choose Jermaine Sellers and John Park as the ones who go home. Personally, I’d like Jermaine to be eliminated, then the judges could vote to keep him on just so he could also be the second elimination. Then I’d like God to come down, say “You don’t know shit, bitch”, and smite him with lightning or cold sores or whatever He’s into nowadays.

But God would probably wait for a sweeps month to make an appearance on Idol, unfortunately. So maybe Ryan could just run Jermaine over with a lawn mower.

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Posted Wednesday, February 24th, 2010

filed under American Idol

Fortunately, the two-hour show highlighting the male contestants wasn’t anywhere near as horrendous as the women’s fiasco, although Jermaine, Tyler, and Alex tried their best to make the episode a living nightmare. Please keep in mind that this is the first time most (if not all) of these people have ever performed in front of a large audience. Just as in past seasons, the first week of actual competition is usually painful.

1. Todrick Hall: “Since You’ve Been Gone”

It was the aural equivalent of making a delicious apple pie, then dropping two tons of vanilla ice cream on top of it. Todrick has a nice voice, but there were too many trills, too many wonky bits, too much reinvention. The song was too muddled, too manic, too unfocused. A piece of pie with a scoop of ice cream can be the perfect desert, but if you throw everything on top to the point where you can’t tell if it was originally apple pie or a raw hamburger, then you have a problem. The only reason I didn’t judge him more harshly was because he does have a good voice and, even if his experiment went horribly, horribly wrong, at least he did try to “make the song his own”.

Score: 5 out of 10.

2. Aaron Kelly: “Here Comes Goodbye”

Aaron picked a mediocre song and noticeably battled a severe case of nerves when he first began singing it, but by the end he delivered a solid performance. I liked him because he worked through the fear and ended up doing a very nice job.

Score: 7 out of 10.

3. Jermaine Sellers: “Get Here”

Although nothing will compare to Lacey Brown’s massacre of “Landslide” (or, as she sang it, “Landside”), damned if this didn’t come close. “Get Here” is a solid pop song that has more than enough hooks for anyone to sink their teeth in, but Jermaine decided to make up the melody as he went along. From the first breathy, off-key note, it was a study in horror. It’s difficult to say that this was a bad song choice because the song he sang wasn’t remotely recognizable. He might as well have been singing the theme song to “Sesame Street”. I’m sincerely hoping he gets voted off Thursday.

Score: 3 out of 10.

4. Tim Urban: “Apologize”

An extremely bland version of an extremely bland song. Tim should avoid songs that require using his weak falsetto, learn how to hold the microphone away from his mouth, and should cut his hair a little so we can actually see a little of his face. If he makes it to next week, he needs to pick a song that suits his voice and isn’t so ridiculously generic that it didn’t even become a hit until Timbaland remixed it.

Score: 5 out of 10.

5. Joe Munoz: “You And I Both”

At the end of the show, when clips of the twelve performances were shown, I was a little surprised to realize that this was my favorite of the night. Joe took one of my favorite songs of all time and, while adding a little Spanish touch to it in places, was actually a little too toned down and, yes, boring. There was no wow factor, no excitement, yet I thoroughly enjoyed it. It’s strange for me to acknowledge that I wouldn’t be surprised if Joe goes home Thursday night even though I liked his song the most, but there you go.

Score: 8 out of 10.

6. Tyler Grady: “American Woman”

I think he has a nice enough voice, but he has horrible stage presence. If you’re going to sing a flamboyant rock song, it should sound better than an average karaoke version, and you should own the stage, not meander around it with no direction or purpose. Of all the contestants, I feel like Tyler is most out of his element. He’s not a rock star, he’s an accountant that likes listening to The Doors.

Score: 3 out of 10.

7. Lee Dewyze: “Chasing Cars”

Confession: I think Lee is very good-looking and has an extremely attractive personality. I also like his taste in music. But with that said, I did not care for his performance at all. He was occasionally out of tune, and while he tried to bring drama to a song that has none, he sacrificed the melody in the process. He has a good voice, and I hope he stays for a while, but this wasn’t good.

Score: 5 out of 10.

8. John Park: “God Bless The Child”

This was the kind of performance you’d see at a Junior High School talent show, and John completely missed the emotional pain behind the song – the Oscar Meyer wiener song would have been just as touching in his hands – but I think he’s got a great voice that, given the right song, would be incredible. So I can’t be as harsh as others might be. Call me a hopeless optimistic.

Score: 6 out of 10.

9. Michael Lynche: “This Love”

Let me say right now that I would be happy to NEVER AGAIN hear about Michael’s baby drama. It irritates me that he chose to stay in Hollywood instead of being by his wife’s side when she gave birth, and it irritates me even more that Idol keeps portraying this as somehow inspirational. I also think Michael chose the wrong song: it’s too fast, too frantic, to do justice to his voice. But what a voice! I was genuinely surprised to hear him. He sounded at times like Al Jarreau, and while the song did him no favors, it didn’t hurt him that much either.

Score: A reluctant 7 out of 10.

10. Alex Lambert: “Wonderful World”

With his often nasal whine, his trouble with hitting his notes head on instead of creeping up on them like a scared child, and his Carol Brady hairdo, Alex defined what a bad performance can be.

Score: 3 out of 10.

11. Casey James: “Heaven”

There’s a little too much vibrato in his voice, and he chose both a boring song and a boring arrangement. But I genuinely liked him and he did well singing.

Score: 7 out of 10.

12. Andrew Garcia: “Sugar, We’re Going Down”

Easily the most disappointing act of the night. I was looking forward to hearing him sing after his phenomenal reinvention of Paula Abdul’s “Straight Up”, but he took a novelty song and made a muzak version of it that was literally painful to listen to. I think he has enough good will to survive this round, but he needs to get his shit together and fast or he won’t make it to the Top Twelve (and here I was thinking he had a good chance of winning the entire competition).

Score: 3 out of 10.

Predictions for going home: Jermaine Sellers and Alex Lambert.

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Posted Wednesday, February 24th, 2010

filed under Entertainment

Two clips I love:

and:

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Posted Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010

filed under American Idol

It’s no surprise that the producers of American Idol are rooting for a woman to win the ninth season. The last couple of years haven’t been kind to male winners. David Cook and David Archuleta combined haven’t sold as many records as Fantasia Barrino, who never achieved mainstream success, and Kris Allen has yet to sell even a fourth of the CDs of season five’s sixth place finalist, Kellie Pickler. As for Adam Lambert, the most publicized Idol contestant in history, the ridiculously over-hyped singer has yet to sell as many albums as Taylor Hicks, the American Idol winner most often dismissed as a complete failure.

But judging by tonight’s two-hour show, a woman won’t be winning American Idol this year. Although it’s standard for Idol to say that each season is the strongest ever, with an amazing array of talent, the hyperbole fell flat as soon as Paige began singing the first song, and Katie’s show-closing snoozer made it clear that any of the women will be lucky to survive the first six weeks of the official competition.

Still, I can hope that next week will be better.

1. Paige Miles: “All Right Now”

It’s hard to imagine a worse choice for a singer that has such an obviously gorgeous voice. She picks a song that actively works against her strengths as a vocalist, performs it pretty much exactly as it was first recorded (so no one can accuse her of adding anything to the song or of “making it her own”), and chooses not to change the gender of the lusted-after “baby”, which makes me wonder why she didn’t sing Melissa Etheridge’s amazing “You Can Sleep While I Drive” if she wanted to give a shout out to lesbian love. The saddest thing about her performance wasn’t her admission afterwards that she needed to pee for the last five hours; no, the fact that she wasn’t one of the worst three performers made this a spectacularly bad way to begin the competition phase of American Idol.

Score: 4 out of 10.

2.Ashley Rodriguez: “Happy”

She needs to stop breathing directly into the microphone. Actually, it would be great if she’d stop holding the microphone a half inch from her mouth, period. You don’t have to give the damn thing oral sex; it’s perfectly fine to move it away enough that we can hear your voice instead of your respiratory system. She has a nice voice, but her performance was lackluster at best. She was okay on the verse, but the chorus completely overwhelmed her.

Score: 6 out of 10.

3. Janell Wheeler: “What About Love”

Wow. Janell is embodying the theme of the night: pick a song that will completely overwhelm you. Although hers was the second worst performance of the night, I hope she makes it past this week, because I honestly think she could be great with the right song. But doing an extremely weak version of a Heart song is not the way to impress. I think calling it torture would be exaggerating things a little. But just a little.

Score: 3 out of 10.

4. Lilly Scott: “Fixing A Hole”

What a bizarre choice. Lilly has such badly bleached hair I kept wondering if it was a wig. She has an interesting voice, but she chooses an obscure Beatles song that is slightly less boring than listening to a dial tone for three hours. And if I could vote against someone making it through to the next round, she’d be my first choice. She wasn’t the worst, but damn that one and a half minutes lasted seventeen years at least in terms of monotony.

Score: 4 out of 10.

5. Katelyn Epperly: “Oh Darling”

I was so prepared to hate her, especially after enduring four horrible performances. And when I heard she was going to perform a ‘60s song I’d never heard of, I was ready to turn off the television set. So yes, I was extremely surprised how much I loved her performance. Will she make it to the finals? Who knows? But I’m glad that she reminded me, after four excruciatingly bad songs, why I like American Idol. Katelyn, I’m rooting for you!

Score: 8 out of 10.

6. Haeley Vaughn: “I Want To Hold Your Hand”

Was it just a couple years ago that singing a Beatles song was a big ass deal? Now we get three in a row. I think Haeley has a good voice. I think Haeley has a good personality. And I think if I wasn’t the nice guy I am, I would have to hunt her down and destroy her. Is it possible for anyone to be so perky and chipper without inspiring extreme hatred? On one level I thought she did good, but I would be lying if I didn’t hope she gets sent home Thursday night. She needs to seriously tone it down – and majorly – if she wants to be more than just a fifth-rate Shanice clone.

Score: 7 out of 10.

7. Lacey Brown: “Landslide”

I’m not sure it’s possible to make a worse song choice. Lacey might have a good voice (I’m assuming she does, since she made it to the Top 24), but wow, this was one of the worst performances I’ve ever seen on Idol. She needs to go home. Now.

Score: 1 out 10.

8. Michelle Delamor: “Falling”

I despise contestants who pick “safe” songs, but this was the exception that proves the rule. She did nothing to differentiate her version from the original, and her voice is in no way better than Alicia Keys, yet it worked for me. This was the only performance of the night that I would consider purchasing. I’m intrigued and will be eager to find out next week if this was a fluke or the beginning of something astonishing.

Score: 9 out of 10.

9. Didi Benami: “The Way I Am”

The crybaby sings, and I like her voice, but it sounds far too much like the original singer to judge what she’s capable of. Because I enjoyed the performance so much, I’m going to be lenient in my score, but I reserve judgment until I hear her sing something that isn’t a well-done copy of an existing track.

Score: 7 out of 10.

10. Siobhan Magnus: “Wicked Game”

She began badly, but once she got into the song, she did a beautiful job of singing it. Unfortunately, she gave the song no depth, no energy. It was a “quiet storm” version that ultimately bored the hell out of me. I kept waiting for that moment when she’d release her pent-up power and stun the shit out of me, but it never came. In a night when the women were decidedly unspectacular, Siobhan nailed what it means to give an average performance, and that’s never a good thing.

Score: 6 out of 10.

11. Crystal Bowersox: “Hand In My Pocket”

What an extremely disappointing performance. Crystal has a great voice, and she picked a great song. But she added nothing to the song, and her decision to do a harmonica solo was bizarre – does she realize this is a singing competition? In the end, I couldn’t be too harsh. She picked a song that fit her, and she sang it well. But Kara of all people nailed it when she compared it to a coffeehouse performance. A good one, certainly, but Crystal, you are so much more than this.

Score: 7 out of 10.

12. Katie Stevens: “Feeling Good”

Can we ask Congress to create a law that forbids American Idol contestants from singing this damn song? I have never heard a cover version that’s even passable, yet every year at least one semi-finalist tackles it. Katie was drowned out by the orchestra at times, had no clue that it helps when performing a song if you show at least as much emotion as a Terminator cyborg, and added absolutely nothing to the original version. She has a good voice, but she needs to figure out – and quickly – what songs accentuate that voice. Because after this performance, the main reason she’ll be moving on is more because she got to sing last then because she was okay.

Score: 5 out of 10.

 

Predictions for going home Thursday: Lacey Brown and Janell Wheeler.

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Posted Thursday, January 14th, 2010

filed under Music

I’ve always been a fan of soul music. From Blue Magic’s lonely “Side Show” to Brian McKnight’s uplifting “Back at One”, I’ve loved listening to Deborah Cox insist nobody’s supposed to be here, Siedah Garrett worry about the everchanging times, and The Temptations wish for rain.

And whether it’s Barry White telling you to practice what you preach or Babyface going on and on about your whip appeal, soul music has defined what sex sounds and feels like for me. It’s impossible not to hear Shirley Murdock belt out “As We Lay” or Gregory Abbot croon “Shake You Down” without getting a little hot under the collar.

For me, Teddy Pendergrass was the epitome of soul music. As the lead singer of Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes, he broke my heart singing “If You Don’t Know Me By Now” and “The Love I Lost (Part 1)”. As a solo singer, his “Love T.K.O.” was equally memorable.

But it was hits like “Close the Door” and “Turn Off the Lights” that really defined his career. The lyrics were as seductive as his voice, promising a night you would never forget. If sex had a melody, Teddy Pendergrass was the one singing it. I’ll let other people debate whether Barry White or Marvin Gaye or someone else was the sexiest soul singer, but for me, it will always be Teddy. Even after surviving the car crash that left him in a wheelchair, that voice and that power was still undeniable and still sexy as shit.

It seems like the list of people that have died recently just keeps growing and growing, and it pains me that Teddy Pendergrass is the latest to leave us. This is my favorite song by him. “Come Go With Me” never charted on the Hot 100 and peaked at #14 on the R&B chart. But God, I loved this song. To me, it’s everything that’s great about soul music, sex, and Teddy Pendergrass.

Sir, you will be missed.

 

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Posted Thursday, January 14th, 2010

filed under American Idol

The second night of American Idol was entertaining even though there wasn’t a single person I actually loved with the possible exception of Vanessa Wolfe. Mallorie Haley did fine singing the country version of “Piece of My Heart”, and while a little too loud, Keia Johnson also did a good job with “My Heart Will Go On”, but neither of them overly impressed me. As for the trio of women who moved on right at the beginning, Miriam Lemnouni belted out “The Climb” as if it was a fire she had to put out, Noel Reese screamed out a Whitney Houston cover, and Tisha Holland managed to be completely forgettable while she was actually singing.

Still, even without someone that knocked my socks off, I found ten things I wanted to mention about last night’s episode.

10. General Larry Platt. Yes, I enjoyed the “pants on the ground” song, and I won’t be surprised if he “surprises” us with a return visit for the grand season finale. But I really don’t care for this crap. Mr. Platt wasn’t anywhere near as annoying as Margaret Fowler, the chicken lady from three seasons ago, but why have someone “audition” who couldn’t remotely be considered a contestant?

9. Dewone Robinson. Singing an original song, he proved once and for all that you can’t spell lady without a “t”.

8. Jermaine Sellers and Bryan Walker. The church boy and the singing cop. Jermaine actually has a decent voice, but there’s no reason to try and cram 742 runs into the last note. If God was one of us, he would tell you not to beat the song into bloody submission. As for Bryan, I wasn’t a fan of the wispy blond Mohawk, and I couldn’t stand his tendency to make every single word a tribute to melisma. Songs should be sung, not tortured and murdered.

7. Christy Agronow. She’s young, she’s perky, she’s got a great personality. And she believes in singing Pat Benatar songs the way they were always meant to be sung: staccato. Love. Is. A. Battlefield. Damn. It.

6. Vanessa Wolfe. I was prepared to hate her, but after watching her jump bridges and talk about her tiny town, she said she hoped the judges didn’t look down on her, and I fell in love. She’s like the real version of the act Kellie Pickler tried to play unconvincingly – the innocent country girl who’s never flown on an aero plane. I’m afraid she’s going to end up being cannon fodder, but I’m hoping she surprises me and makes it to the top 24.

5. Holly Harden. I don’t care how well you can sing (and to be honest, I wasn’t that impressed). You went to an audition for the biggest television show in America, and you dressed as a guitar. Go away.

4. Carmen Turner and Lauren Sanders. They’ve been best friends forever, but they really need to find a third friend, one that isn’t afraid to tell them they have absolutely no idea how to apply makeup. Whatever Lauren did with her eyes, it worked against her horribly, and the hooker dress didn’t do her any favors, either. And while Carmen wasn’t that bad, I couldn’t help thinking she only went on to Hollywood because she was, for all intents, competing against Lauren. As Simon said, I don’t think it will be long before Carmen returns to Atlanta and her best friend’s side.

3. Lamar Royal. I knew he had an anger problem from the preceding promos, and when he said he would respect the judges and welcome constructive criticism, I knew it was going to be bad. But wow, that was just ridiculous. After he aggressively screamed a Seal song at the judges in a way that felt more like a knife attack than a serenade, he really unleashed his temper. But then again, he was probably already furious about his ridiculously groomed facial hair, with the striped eyebrows and the sideburns that just kind of ended at his shaved dome.

2. Antonio Wheeler. I find it impossible to respect anyone that actually shaves the American Idol logo on his head, refers to himself as Skii Bo Ski and has the nickname stitched to his jacket (spelled wrong, to boot), and talks in an oblivious, drug-addled manner that could only be described as annoying as hell. He didn’t have a bad voice, but if I had been a judge, there’s no way he would have moved on to Hollywood.

1. Jessie Hamilton. At times I felt guilty, but I didn’t care. I’ve never laughed so hard at an audition before. From the hilarious cheap dramatizations (“I was limp as a rag doll!”) to Mary J. Blige’s attack of the giggles, I couldn’t stop laughing. When Jessie talked about his three near-death experiences and then earnestly said God was watching out for him, I thought, no, He’s just got bad aim. Then I felt ashamed of myself for thinking that. But I laughed anyway.

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