Bookmarx

Posted Saturday, July 17th, 2010

filed under Music

When Hanson first had success with “Mmmbop”, I didn’t pay them much attention. I didn’t dislike them but I wasn’t a fan, either. But the brothers kept plugging away, releasing albums and following their dream, and now they have a song that I can’t get out of my head. VH1 has been playing the video for a couple of weeks, and while it got my interest the first time I saw it, it’s grown to the point where yesterday my boss said, “Well you must be in a good mood” because she heard me singing the song in my cubicle.

I hope this song puts them back in the public eye, because it’s a damn good song and a damn good video.

 

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Posted Monday, May 3rd, 2010

filed under Religion

We live in an age where animation can amaze us, where a Disney cartoon can be nominated for an Academy Award for Best Picture, where Wall-E can make us laugh and cry and most importantly, inspire us to believe, where Avatar can give us an entire universe of wonder to be astonished by. So I guess it isn’t surprising that a two-minute cartoon can sum up exactly what the Pope has given to the world. What a beautiful and inspired blessing to appreciate his Holiness.

 

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Posted Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010

filed under American Idol

As soon as Paige Miles began singing “Take a Look At Me Now” (and extremely badly), I decided that I am no longer interested in watching this season. I’ll probably give it another chance next season, but I won’t be watching any more episodes this year. I’ve gone to auditions for local community theater – in a very small town – that had more talented singers than almost anyone on this year’s version.

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Posted Tuesday, March 16th, 2010

filed under American Idol

Tonight was interesting. Nobody gave a horrible performance, and one person gave an amazing performance. For such a lackluster season so far, I was more than happy with this round of competition.

1. Michael Lynche: “Miss You”

Technically, Michael has a wonderful voice, but his song choices (and arrangements) confuse me and quite honestly leave me cold. This is the fourth time in a row (out of four performances) that I feel like I’ve given him a somewhat high score in spite of his song choice, and that makes it hard for me to get excited about him as a singer.

I could have done without the introductory ooh’s, but once the song began, I thought it was a dangerous and sexy combination of the Stones and Michael Jackson. I was starting to think he’d finally give a performance that would live up to his talent, but then the arrangement suddenly slowed down and sounded like every other song Luther Vandross ever sang. It was a weird combination, a bipolar choice of arrangement, and I didn’t care for it. Too many disparate elements crammed into two minutes.

From all appearances, Michael is an extraordinarily affection and good-hearted person, and he’s obviously got an amazing gift, but I wouldn’t be sad if he got voted off tomorrow. I’m tired of liking him despite instead of because.

Score: 7 out of 10.

2. Didi Benami: “Play With Fire”

As Katelyn showed when she performed Coldplay, slowing down an arrangement to let the tone of your voice come through can be a very good thing. This is the first time I genuinely liked her voice. It was a good song choice for her.

However, she pushed a little hard (especially near the end) on the chorus. The swaybots in front of the stage with their outstretched arms waving in a pattern that resembled no discernible rhythm known to man were extremely annoying. And the performance overall was more than a little boring.

Nice try, but nothing too special.

Score: 7 out of 10.

3. Casey James: “It’s All Over Now”

I enjoyed his country-rock version of this, adding some good-old-boy vibes to the arrangement. But while I would definitely call it a solid effort, again, there was nothing that special about it.

Score: 7 out of 10.

4. Lacey Brown: “Ruby Tuesday”

As she sang, I couldn’t help but wonder if the poor girl has such a low metabolism that she can’t bear to remain standing for more than 32 seconds. If she isn’t sitting on a stool, she’s sitting on the side of the stage, and I don’t think she realizes how much energy it drains out of a song when perform every single one of them from a reclining position.

That said, this was the wrong song for her. It wasn’t so bad that ears started bleeding, but it did her no favors whatsoever.

Score: 4 out of 10.

5. Andrew Garcia: “Gimme Shelter”

More and more, it seems like Andrew is going to be one of those Top Twelve contestants that gets met with a “which one was he?” a year from now when his name is brought up. If he were on Survivor, he’d be safe – one of those people who manage to stay under the radar long enough to survive the first few eliminations. But this is Idol, and his obsession with being mediocre is going to do him in sooner rather than later.

This was the wrong song choice, and because it was such an average performance, I couldn’t help noticing his stage presence. Some people own the stage. He seemed afraid to move too much lest he be evicted; he never strayed more than one or two steps past his starting point. It was the only performance of the night that was forgettable within seconds of him finishing the song.

Score: 5 out of 10.

6. Katie Stevens: “Wild Horses”

Although her voice was somewhat shaky in the beginning, she ended up doing a competent job. And that’s about all I can say about it.

Score: 6 out of 10.

7. Tim Urban: “Under My Thumb”

If I was a huge Rolling Stones fan, I probably would have despised this performance. I’m sure he’s being eviscerated on Vote For The Worst as I’m writing this. But at the risk of being ridiculed forever, I was pleasantly surprised. I thought giving it a Jason Mraz feel, with the soft guitar and the reggae arrangement, was smart, and I think Tim was very wise picking a song that fit his somewhat limited vocal range. It highlighted the nice tone of his voice.

Sue me, I liked it.

Score: 7 out of 10.

8. Siobhan Magnus: “Paint It Black”

“House Of The Rising Sun” was amazing, but this was the performance that finally made me feel vested in this year’s competition. Quite simply, Siobhan is my favorite, the one I’m rooting for to win. This was a riveting performance, and I find it astounding how she picks arrangements that prove how good she is. Starting out low-key, then going in for the kill, I loved that she chose to end by reminding us no matter how powerful her vocal talent might be, it’s also a very pure and beautiful instrument at the same time.

Score: 9 out of 10.

9. Lee DeWyze: “Beast Of Burden”

I thought this was a smart choice. After picking three wimpy songs in a row, Lee finally picked a song that had some meat on its bones, and the John Cougar Mellencamp arrangement was perfect. This was an excellent match for his voice.

Score: 8 out of 10.

10. Paige Miles: “Honky Tonk Woman”

True to form, Paige picks yet another song that doesn’t fit her at all. I agree with Simon – she sounded like a bar band singer.

And let me make two things clear. Yes, it’s wonderful if the singer is having fun performing – it would be abysmal otherwise – but it don’t count for shit if no one is having fun watching the singer perform. And secondly, Paige should have gone home last week. She gave, by far, the worst performance of anyone, man or woman, last week, and I can’t believe she survived.

With that said, this wasn’t a horrible performance, it just wasn’t that great.

Score: 6 out of 10.

11. Aaron Kelly: “Angie”

This was nice, sweet, like ending your day with a pleasant cup of tea. It fit his range well, and he connected as much as he could, but in the end, it’s strange to hear such a raw, heartbreaking song come across as so oddly comforting.

Score: 7 out of 10.

12. Crystal Bowersox: “You Can’t Always Get What You Want”

Talk about a missed opportunity. When she began, I thought, what a perfect song choice. When the last line of the chorus brought up the volume, rhythm and intensity, I thought, wow, this is going to be one of those defining moments. And then she pulled back, and what sounded promising suddenly sounded safe.

Make no mistake, Crystal has a powerful voice and she gave a really good performance. But the ending was anticlimactical, more because of what she didn’t do than what she did. It didn’t build into a mesmerizing finish, it just sort of ended.

Maybe next time.

Score: 8 out of 10.

My vote for who’s going home? Although I think both Andrew and Katie are in trouble, ultimately it will be Lacey singing her farewell tomorrow.

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Posted Wednesday, March 10th, 2010

filed under American Idol

I keep hoping this season will grab my attention, but I’m seriously beginning to wonder if I’ll watch the rest of the season. From Ryan frantically moving things along because there has to be enough time to fit 36 minutes of commercials into an hour to Michael Lynche giving an amazing performance that made me think of Ruben Studdard tackling a song I couldn’t possibly be less interested in hearing, I am seriously underwhelmed. And seriously, Lee – fucking “Firefly”?

I’m gonna stick around for at least the next week or two, but beyond that, I just don’t know. For what it’s worth, here are the men…

1. Lee DeWyze: “Firefly”

For anyone who’s ever longed to hear Nickelback interpret Taylor Swift’s “You Belong To Me”, Lee gives us the grunged up version of a light-hearted techno-pop ballad and for an entire nation defines “overkill”. The man is obsessed with soft ballads, from “Chasing Cars” to “Lips Of An Angel”, but tonight was officially annoying as hell. “Firefly” demands a soft touch to make it work – and in the original version it worked well enough to become a number one hit – but Lee mauls the song, determined to sing the hell out of it. By far the worst – and the most disappointing – performance of the night.

Score: 4 out of 10.

2. Alex Lambert: “Trouble”

I’m really beginning to appreciate Alex’s voice, even if it sometimes borders on nasal, and I thought this was a very nice performance. But at this point in time, I’d really like to hear something more than “nice”.

Score: 7 out of 10.

3. Tim Urban: “Hallelujah”

This was a pedestrian performance of a moving song, a study in mediocrity, and I am astonished by how much the judges loved it. I thought Jason Castro did a far superior job, and when you compare unfavorably to Jason Castro, that’s not a good thing. Wasn’t impressed at all.

Score: 5 out of 10.

4. Andrew Garcia: “Genie In A Bottle”

Normally, I get irritated when people talk about having a guilty pleasure. If you like something, you shouldn’t feel guilty about it. But Andrew’s performance tonight made me understand what the phrase means: I enjoyed it, and I totally feel guilty about it. Yes, it was an excruciatingly desperate move, and it didn’t work nearly as good as “Straight Up” (which, if you listen to the judges, is only a couple weeks away from being enshrined in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame or something). Yes, it was weird to hear a man asking to be rubbed the right way, since that’s slang for getting a hand job. But his voice sounded great, and I think he’s moving in the right direction after two weeks of bad performances. Good move.

Score: 7 out of 10.

5. Casey James: “You’ll Think Of Me”

After playing “Scottish Lullaby”, a song I truly loved, my piano teacher told me that sometimes it’s far more rewarding to hear a relatively simple song played well than to listen to a difficult song played adequately. Casey took a nice, straightforward song and did a great job both singing and selling it. I liked this performance more than any of the other guys, and I hope he pursues a career in pop country. It’s the one performance I could picture myself listening to on the radio and possibly even purchasing.

Score: 9 out of 10.

6. Aaron Kelly: “I’m Already There”

This would have been a great performance if he hadn’t started off so nervous. Most people can nail the chorus, but it requires a lot of skill to sing the verses (and this is true of most songs – the power of music is in the buildup far more than in the payoff). Still, his voice is a natural for pop music, and this was a good choice.

Score: 7 out of 10.

7. Todrick Hall: “Somebody To Love”

My first reaction after the song was over was to say Todrick sang and leave it at that. He sounded good, even if it was far too theatrical. But I found myself incredibly bored, and realized I could care less about the performance. It sounded less like a song and more like a lackluster demand to pay attention to the singer. This is the reason “whatever” became such a popular catchword.

Score: 5 out of 10.

8. Michael Lynche: “This Woman’s Work”

By far the best vocals of the week, but I could care less about the song, so it didn’t work for me. And by the way, wearing a tie, vest and suit jacket over jeans and sneakers just looks stupid. I think I’m going to have to deal with the fact that Michael is an extremely talented singer who performs songs I don’t even remotely like.

Score: 8 out of 10.

So who’s going home? I’m guessing Todrick and Tim, but it’s really anyone’s guess.

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Posted Tuesday, March 9th, 2010

filed under American Idol

This has been a confusing year so far on American Idol. In the last week of the semifinals, there’s still no one I’m really rooting for. The only reason Lee DeWyze is my favorite right now is because I think he’s very good-looking. In terms of his voice, he sounds like a mediocre imitation of Chad Kroeger or Chris Daughtry. As for the women, of the remaining eight contestants, three have voices that I find annoying at best. Then tonight, my favorite performance by far was completely obliterated by Simon. I was astonished.

Like I said, it’s confusing. To paraphrase Crystal, I’m still waiting for someone to give me a reason to care this year. With that said, here’s my thoughts on the performances.

1. Katie Stevens: “Breakaway”

On paper, it sounds like a good choice, and to be fair, her performance was far more memorable than the last two. But the vocals were safe and polished, technically good but with no complexity or heart to them. I didn’t feel any emotional connection at all. Katie’s problem is simple but also enormous: she has a beautiful voice that is old beyond its years, but she has no life experience to give that voice depth. No matter how hard she tries, she comes across as the toddler dressing up in her mother’s clothes and makeup.

Score: 7 out of 10.

2. Siobhan Magnus: “House Of The Rising Sun”

I’m not a fan of hers, and I actually groaned when she said what she was singing. Then she sang the opening verse a cappella, and I was blown away. It was haunting and almost brought me to tears. The rest of her performance only built on that opening. This was the first time all season I saw a performance that made me stand up and pay attention.

Although the other judges loved her, Simon could not have been less pleased. I have disagreed with Simon in the past (I tend to agree with him around 95% of the time), but this is the first time I can remember that I vehemently disagreed with him and actually got angry at the man. I wouldn’t say Siobhan reached the level of Fantasia’s amazing first performance of “Summertime”, but it was definitely on a par with David Cook’s first performance of “Hello”.

Score: 10 out of 10.

3. Lacey Brown: “The Story”

I don’t care for Lacey’s voice. I don’t understand why she, Didi, and Lilly even made it to the semifinals – all three have quirky, “unique” voices that irritate me. When it comes to American Idol, I want to hear great singers, not interesting ones. That said, Lacey did a fine job performing an obscure song with a boring arrangement. Whatever.

Score: 6 out of 10.

4. Katelyn Epperly: “I Feel The Earth Move”

Wow, what a difference a week makes! If her slow and plodding cover of Coldplay at the same time managed to highlight an incredible voice, her slow and plodding cover of Carole King hid it completely. And what was with the ‘70s soft rock version that sounded ridiculously dated from the beginning? I was very disappointed. This was a disastrous song choice that sounded bland when it needed to shine.

Score: 5 out of 10.

5. Didi Benami: “Rhiannon”

Although Didi didn’t mutilate Fleetwood Mac like Lacey did a couple weeks ago, I wasn’t impressed. Her precious and precise vocals make me want to change the channel, and the backing vocals all but drowned her out on the chorus (which arguably could be a good thing). She performed fine, but I do not like her voice.

Score: 6 out of 10.

6. Paige Miles: “Smile”

Random thought: her surname is an anagram of the song title.

Second wow of the night. From the beginning, she sounded nervous, shaky, and had absolutely no control over the song. It’s a beautiful song, and contrary to what Ellen said, it’s a sad song that can be sung in a sad fashion. But this was just painfully timid. From the first note to the last, I just kept wondering why she was so afraid of the damn song. Most bizarre song choice of the night.

Score: 4 out of 10.

7. Crystal Bowersox: “Give Me One Reason”

Crystal has an amazing voice, and her stage presence is hypnotic. But I’m very conflicted regarding her. On the one hand, I can’t wait to hear the strength of her gorgeous voice. On the other hand, I wish just once she wouldn’t sing a song that sounds like you’re at a local coffee shop listening to open mike night. I feel like I’m an unwelcome visitor at a womyn rally.

Score: 8 out of 10.

8. Lilly Scott: “I Fall To Pieces”

And the worst is saved for last. If I ever get the urge to listen to Betty Boop sing the blues, I’ll go on YouTube and do a search for this performance. But I don’t think that’s ever going to be a likely desire. Lilly is so damn cheerful while singing about a devastating heartbreak, and she’s one of three women tonight with voices that are far too quirky and original for my taste (what can I say, I like strong vocals that don’t rely on affectations), so the combination was enough to make me run to the bathroom and get a Q-tip and ointment in case my ears started bleeding.

As the Two Men on In Living Color would say, “Hated it!”

Score 3 out of 10.

So who’s going home? I’m guessing Lacey and Paige. But for the third time in three weeks, I’m not going to be surprised (or disappointed) if any of them go home with the exception of Crystal, who is officially this year’s most pimped contestant.

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Posted Friday, March 5th, 2010

filed under Gay Rights

The Washington Post released a comprehensive study on Wednesday that confirmed many of the stereotypes people have of homosexual males. In determining the ratio of gay men to straight men in various occupations, the Post found that computer technicians (14.7%) and waiters (18.7%) are among the top ten careers that attract an above average percentage of gay men. The top three occupations were predictable, as well, with 33.0% of interior decorators, 27.4% of hairdressers, and 24.5% of Republican politicians being identified as gay.

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Posted Thursday, March 4th, 2010

filed under American Idol

Wow, I was surprised that I correctly guessed three of the four people being eliminated tonight, John Park, Jermaine Sellers (thank God!), and Michelle Delamor. I was also surprised that Haeley Vaughn didn’t last. Yes, “The Climb” was almost painful to listen to (and her rendition of it tonight was achingly worse than last night’s), but usually at least one really bad singer makes it to the Top Twelve based solely on the fact that they’re young and cute.

Still, I’m not complaining!

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Posted Wednesday, March 3rd, 2010

filed under American Idol

If last night the guys came back with a vengeance, tonight the women made a two-hour show feel like it went on for days. The only bright spot was that Crystal had recovered enough to be on the show. It would have been heartbreaking for anyone to make it that far and then be disqualified because they weren’t well enough to compete.

1. Crystal Bowersox: “Long As I Can See The Light”

This was a flawless performance in my opinion, far better than the safe and harmonica-laden “Hands In My Pocket” cover she did last week. The only thing that stopped me from calling it perfect was the song itself. To be blunt, I didn’t care much for it. It didn’t have enough melody or something. If Crystal had sung Bob Dylan’s “I Shall Be Released”, I think I would’ve gotten goose bumps. As it was, I was more than happy to admire a song I didn’t connect to emotionally being sung with a passion I found amazing. Easily the best performance of the night.

Score: 9 out of 10.

2. Haeley Vaughn: “The Climb”

There were times at the beginning when I thought Haeley had picked a good song to perform, but as she went on, the song became a muddled mess. She was very inconsistent, loud then soft, hitting one note then missing the next badly. It was horrible. Haeley has no control over her voice at all, and contrary to what the judges think, one year isn’t going to do much to improve that. She needs time to grow up, become a much more disciplined singer, and stop grinning like a hyena throughout every performance. I thought Vote For The Worst got it wrong last week when they picked Haeley as their choice for worst, but tonight Haeley lived up to their support.

Score: 4 out of 10.

3. Lacey Brown: “Kiss Me”

Not a fan of her voice, not a fan of the song, but somehow this ended up being a cute performance that I enjoyed. This was a much better fit for her than “Landslide”.

Score: 7 out of 10.

4. Katie Stevens: “Put Your Records Now”

I hate to point the obvious out to the judges (you know, the ones who picked her to compete in the first place?), but Katie does not have a young voice. Pushing youthful songs on her isn’t going to work. She’s more Norah Jones than Taylor Swift, no matter how much you’d want it otherwise. That said, Katie’s too young to be competing at this point. She’s got a great voice and certainly has more control than Haeley, but she needs to experience life a little more and grow into the type of songs she will nail five years from now.

Score: 6 out of 10.

5. Didi Benami: “Lean On Me”

This is not the song I would pick for her. She has a light voice that makes any song with any meat on it – even a somewhat clichéd song like this – into a well-intentioned mess.

Score: 5 out of 10.

6. Michelle Delamor: “With Arms Wide Open”

Wow, this is really starting to be a long night. Michelle has a nice voice, but she picks a dreary song that’s paced a little too slow and makes it into a boring dirge. And that missed final note didn’t help matters.

Score: 6 out of 10.

7. Lilly Scott: “A Change Is Gonna Come”

I couldn’t disagree with the judges more. This was the musical equivalent of watching a four-year-old girl play dress up in her mom’s clothes and makeup. I wasn’t offended; I think Lilly believes in what she sings and was sincere about honoring the song. But in the future, people with eccentric voices might want to avoid singing civil rights ballads. It just sounded bizarre.

Score: 6 out of 10.

8. Katelyn Epperly: “The Scientist”

Katelyn decided to do the fourteen-hour-long version of this song. If she had performed it any slower, she ran the risk of being legally declared dead. With that said, as plodding as the arrangement was, her incredible voice really shone through. If she had only performed this at the same speed as the original, I think she could have had a defining moment.

Score: 7 out of 10.

9. Paige Miles: “Walk Away”

She has a good voice, but I don’t understand why she keeps picking songs that don’t highlight her voice. I also wasn’t crazy about how often some of her words and phrases sounded exactly like Kelly Clarkson.

Score: 7 out of 10.

10. Siobhan Magnus: “Think”

Finally, the night is coming to an end. Siobhan did a good job on this song, but “Think” will forever be too much of a karaoke song for me to take anyone singing it seriously. The only worse choice might be singing “I Will Survive”.

Score: 7 out of 10.

Predictions: In all honesty, if anyone other than Crystal or Katelyn went home, I don’t think I’d be very surprised. That said, I’m thinking Didi and Michelle should be the most worried.

0 Comments

Posted Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010

filed under American Idol

What a strange episode tonight. It was definitely much better than last week, but there were a couple of notably bad performances, and for the first time in American Idol history that I can recall, I absolutely despise a contestant, not just as a singer but as a human being. Maybe I’ve seen too many advertisements for Alice in Wonderland, but in some ways this really felt like a psychedelic trip.

1. Michael Lynche: “This Is A Man’s World”

I did not like the song choice. I’m not a major James Brown fan to begin with, and this song had a start/stop melody that was irritating. The lyrics struck me as ridiculously sexist, too (men might rule the world, but thankfully women were created so they wouldn’t feel lonely). However, when I talked to Susan about it, she thought the lyrics meant something completely opposite: that men might think they rule the world with their silly little inventions, but women are what makes life worth living. Either way, I’m not a fan of the song.

Still, I don’t think anyone could deny that Michael did a fantastic job singing it. He is an extremely likeable person, and while I wish he had done a different song from the same era/genre, I liked his voice. This was much, much better than his cover of the Maroon 5 song from last week.

Score: 8 out of 10.

2. John Park: “Gravity”

What a serious misstep. From wearing an undershirt and jeans (because nothing says star potential like telling the world it’s laundry day) to picking a boring song with a monotone melody and singing it as slowly as possible, this was a disaster. The only reason I gave him a decent score was because he obviously has a very good voice. But he needs to stop picking ballads and then leaching the life out of them. I’d love to hear him tackle Anita Baker’s “Caught Up in the Rapture” or another mid-tempo song that lets him flex his voice without sounding like he’s performing at his best friend’s funeral.

Score: 6 out of 10.

3. Casey James: “I Don’t Wanna Be”

I don’t like Casey’s voice. I don’t care for the vibrato in his voice, and this week it was even more pronounced. I thought he also stumbled on the chorus; he was a little too heavy-handed on lines that demand a lighter touch. But as with John, I gave him a higher score than I might normally because he brought a lot of energy into both his performance and the entire episode. After John threatened to put half of America to sleep, Casey woke us back up, and I like that kind of charisma.

Score: 6 out of 10.

4. Alex Lambert: “Everybody Knows”

I confess, when I heard Alex was next, I winced. I thought for sure he’d be going home last week, and his wispy mullet is painful to look at. But I genuinely liked the jazzy tone of his voice tonight. I think he has an affected accent when he sings, pronouncing words strangely, and I don’t know if that’s him or if he’s imitating the singer, since I haven’t heard this song before. But I really like the jazzy tone.

I was also very impressed that he hit the final high note rather softly but held on to it. That’s not easy to do. I would have given him a higher score if he had picked a more interesting song.

Score: 7 out of 10.

5. Todrick Hall: “What’s Love Got To Do With It”

I actually loved this version of the song. I think it was inspired to slow it down and accentuate the hurt embedded in the words.

But Todrick was the wrong person to actually sing this version. The song – and especially a torchy version of it – requires a strong, commanding voice, and Todrick has a lightweight voice that was horribly wrong for this. With the right song, Todrick might surprise everyone. But this was a terrible choice that didn’t work at all.

Score: 5 out of 10.

6. Jermaine Sellers: “What’s Going On”

Up until now, I have never been repulsed by a contestant to the point that I not only disliked them on a personal basis but actively despised them. Up until now.

First, let’s talk about the video intro. The bit with the onesies was cute (although I had to wonder why a 26-year-old was still living with his father and bitching about the heat), but then when he started talking about the previous week, he came across as an asshole. After every other guy’s video, I thought, “What a nice guy.” After Jermaine’s, I thought, “What a dick.”

The judges complained that he wasn’t contemporary, so he picks a song that’s forty years old and wears a bowtie to perform it. Way to listen to criticism and grow, idiot.

Then he massacres one of the best songs ever written, presenting a quiet storm, neutered version of the original while proving that he can perform hundreds of vocal tricks simultaneously without even remotely connecting to the song on an emotional level. I’m sorry, but Jermaine has no fucking clue what that song is really about, and it actually made me angry listening to him vocally flit over the melody and ignore the meaning behind the words.

But then there was that “I know God” shit when he was being criticized. Yes, Jermaine, God could care less about the other contestants. It’s all about you. He wants you to be the next American Idol, so even when you give a performance that makes babies’ ears start bleeding in protest, He will protect you and keep you in the competition. Because that’s what God does.

If he survives to next week (Jermaine, not God), then I will spend the two hours after the show ends voting for the seven other guys over and over and over and over.

Score: 2 out of 10.

7. Andrew Garcia: “You Give Me Something”

My heart almost broke when Andrew started singing. After the miscarriage Jermaine reenacted live, I was hoping for a great performance from the artist who redefined “Straight Up” in Hollywood week. Instead, I got really mediocre karaoke. He didn’t even sound good singing it. If Jermaine hadn’t set the bar so incredibly low, this would have easily been the worst performance of the night. I doubt Andrew will be going home Thursday, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he did, either.

Score: 4 out of 10.

8. Aaron Kelly: “My Girl”

I really like this boy. I don’t know that I would buy a record by him, but I would certainly be proud to call him my son if I was his dad. There’s just something about him that’s so honestly and completely likeable.

His performance was good, but he should have picked a song that hasn’t been sung two million times on American Idol already (isn’t this the official theme song of Hollywood week’s group sing-along?).

Score: 7 out of 10.

9. Tim Urban: “Come On Get High”

There was nothing I particularly disliked about his performance, but there was nothing I particularly liked either. This performance just kind of sat there. If enough people think he’s cute, he’ll survive. Personally, I could care less one way or the other.

Score: 5 out of 10.

10. Lee DeWyze: “Lips Of An Angel”

I don’t care much for this song, but I thought Lee did an excellent job singing it. My only problem is that it sounded like karaoke to me – good karaoke, the kind where you lean over and tell your friend, “Damn, that guy can sing!” – but karaoke nonetheless. His reimagining of Snow Patrol last week sucked, but he does need to add some originality to his covers or they’ll always sound like covers.

Score: 8 out of 10.

Predictions for going home: I only got one out of four right last week, so I’ll probably get this wrong again, but I’m going to choose Jermaine Sellers and John Park as the ones who go home. Personally, I’d like Jermaine to be eliminated, then the judges could vote to keep him on just so he could also be the second elimination. Then I’d like God to come down, say “You don’t know shit, bitch”, and smite him with lightning or cold sores or whatever He’s into nowadays.

But God would probably wait for a sweeps month to make an appearance on Idol, unfortunately. So maybe Ryan could just run Jermaine over with a lawn mower.

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